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How to Be an Antiracist: Step 1
“I don’t see color; I don’t care if a person is Black, green, red, or purple.”
We’ve all been there, at a family gathering or coffee with a friend, and someone says something inappropriate that makes us uncomfortable. What to do? Although it can be very hard to do, it’s really important to speak up. Celeste Headlee suggests using the STAR method, Stop, Tell, Assist, Recover, to change the direction of the conversation.
STOP. Stop the conversation right there, even before they finish the statement. This is one time when interrupting is the right thing to do.
“Wait a minute.”
TELL. Tell the speaker that the statement is inappropriate, but NOT by wagging a finger and pronouncing it racist. Instead, gently interrupt with something like “I disagree with that” or “I see it differently.”
“I don’t see it that way.”
ASSIST. Help the speaker to see another point of view. You don’t need to tell the speaker how wrong they are or try to overwhelm them with data or statistics. Just explain, “Here’s how I see it.”
“Here’s another way to think about seeing color. Race does matter in this society, and the lived experiences of people of color can be very different from those of white people. Acknowledging their skin color is a way of acknowledging their life experience.”
RESTORE. Even though you have pointed out the inappropriate comment, you don’t want the speaker to leave the conversation feeling like you have called them a bad person. Your goal should be to make that speaker feel comfortable talking about racially sensitive issues. Let them know there’s a compassionate way to talk about race and racism.
“Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to talk about race. I’m happy to talk with you more about this.”
Click HERE to view Celeste Headlee’s 6-minute explanation of the STAR system.
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