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I Want To Go Home.

by Kaonashi

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jim_fuego
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jim_fuego Great, tight, crunchy album all the way through, and then, to top it off right at the end, that bass riff halfway through 'Auditorium Annihilation' drops - awesome stuff guys :-) Favorite track: Red Sink, Yellow Teeth.
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Confusion In A Car Crash 00:00 / 01:54

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1.
Confusion In A Car Crash 01:54
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2.
Fairmount Park After Dark 02:34
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I hide behind a tree. The bark scraping me and I cannot breathe. I feel the crunchy leaves and wait for him to leave. The moon helps me see the forest from the trees. A bright orange hoodie. Who could he be? Stress eating White Castle teeth shatter like pumpkin seeds. Foot stuck inside this sand Pitt. Reminiscing on a bozo getting hit. Jiggy, Jiggy, Jiggy. I saw it with all with 3 eyes like a triple. Walking in and out in the halls in circulos. Cutting class solving crime. The curse of Fairmont Park. Karma is not only just your demise it’s the volition. Sitting in silence with this loss like the Pistons. Ahhhhhhh *yap* Crash course on PTSD. My life flashed before my eyes. And I didn’t recognize anything. Re-runs of regrets. I am no one worth mentioning. Flip the channel back to reality, I’m still at the crime scene. Run. So I run. Sweat mixed with the wind on my face makes me wanna hide inside that river. Pumping adrenochrome. Shortcuts to long ways home. Going nowhere slow. The weight of guilt; I can feel it in the door knob as I enter the house and I hear the TV loud. Tell your parents school was fine. Tell them you already ate. Tell them you’re tired and it’s getting late. I lay in bed and pray I’m not run over by the wheels of fate. Tomorrow is another day.
3.
Extra Prayers 01:43
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I’m so mad. Mad about things I can’t control. Mad because I’ve muted my feelings. Verbally, not mentally. Dante’s Inferno brought down to a simmer. The Divine Comedy on Blu-Ray. It’s easier being quiet than it is being wrong. I’m so sad. My mom told me “I love you but I don’t like you” I still think about that in moments like these. I used to lie because I was afraid of getting in trouble. Strawberry protein powder knocked over while she was yelling. Outlines of pink dust under PFFCU envelopes on the kitchen table for weeks after. I’m so embarrassed. Playing dumb so people don’t expect from me. Playing the victim so people don’t suspect of me. Playing last night over and over again in my head. The cardboard sword of my optimism used to slice and swing strong. Forged by my belief that everything would work out if I do no wrong. But it’s bending and ripping with every look you give me. When I forget to lock the door or I eat too fast then you call me stupid or you call me fat. When I witness a murder and don’t know what to do because everything I do is wrong. The school bus is speeding and the window is down but I don’t feel the breeze. When does it get easier? I want to kill myself. Not to end my life but to end my pain. It won’t be dramatic, I think of it more as an exhale. I love sleeping because there’s nothing. I always feel everything all the time and all I want in life is to just not think or feel this way. I want to kill myself so that people will miss me. They won’t be mad or laughing at me for once. This poetry in motion comes to a full stop. The SEPTA door squeaks my name. I see his Camry parked, I walk the other way. I want to cry. I’m so embarrassed. I’m so scared to go to school. I want to go home.
4.
When I Say 03:06
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Runaway train of thought And not a single break in sight I still smell the smoke thick on my clothes From last night And what if they can trace my steps too My sneakers are white that’s not hard to find I seen it on forensic files one time That puts me right at the scene of the crime I need a straighter story, not too boring, who was home before me? Fuck And plus my long black hair and green shirt OMG they can definitely find me You know they got cameras everywhere I don’t wanna see those red and blues shining And it’s really not that hard to find me Please believe me when I say I’d rather be anywhere else that day Don’t wanna see him coming for me, he knows the truth And I don’t know what to do Good dude, bad night, right place, wrong time, in the blink of an eye, his whole life changed Lose/lose situation, hesitation, realization makes me sick to my stomach, and I really really really don’t want this I can’t fake tough so I’ll fake sick I can’t change the past, I can only face it The bliss of ignorance The white thermometer, the boiling water I’ll do anything to get out of this Sometimes I hide on Kelly Drive. It’s the only place that I feel safe.
5.
J.A.M.I.E. feat. Anthony Green 02:40
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On channel 3 KYW and Ukee Telling the whole world our story About a man who was found In the park with tire marks And his name was Jackie My heart it sinks To my shoes, lower than before And right as I pick up the remote For channel 4 They said he was survived by a boy named Jamie I can’t believe what I’m seeing My eyes glued to the TV The way you cry and the look in your eyes Makes me feel like I’m not crazy And if I am, I don’t give a damn cause its look like you need saving
6.
Red Sink, Yellow Teeth 03:16
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This morning I brushed my teeth And red filled up the sink It made me think of us And how we’re both so lonely I wanna make her feel that deep guilt and pain And I wanna make you fear developing your sense of self-esteem Three years I’ll tell you in Three years Just hold on tight for Three years Your bus stop in Three years You’ll see in Three years You’ll love me in Three years Just three Thee years Three more Three more years This morning I brushed my teeth My crooked yellow teeth It made me think of us And how you would never judge me Emotional overload. Parasocial connection instant. My heart grew fonder from the distance. Body language and instincts. I’m sorry but I can’t resist it I now know exactly what I have to do It’s what he would have wanted, I have to see this through I’m gonna make her feel that deep guilt and pain I’m gonna make him feel that same burning shame With every plan I make, I keep turning the wheel of fate But can you really blame me for trying to set it straight?
7.
Slower Forms Of Suicide 05:08
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I wish that you’d stop smoking I don’t like the smell of cigarettes I watched you throw out a pack and then go dig in the trash That’s when I knew you’d never quit Big brother is always watching And I’ll teach you just like he taught me Brownies and blue pop Your white lighter dropped We didn’t stop I could have told you but I didn’t Like the lessons That he hath given How can you justify the slowest form of suicide? As you choke on smoke and drink yourself dry We can be so much more together You’re so indecisive but I’ve already decided You wish your brother was still here You don’t like the people in your life, right? But you’ve had something special since the day that I met you That’s why I’m taking my time Our big brother is always watching us He taught us patience, love and real trust You’re the yellow son drawn in the corner The puzzle piece behind the couch I haven't forgotten about Our time is counting down Come out Come out Come out 4-3-2- 1 The only won My trophy scars Too blind to see the broken Basquiat I framed Hanged in the museum of my memory And probably becomes destiny We can be so much more together however You’re so indecisive but I’ve already decided Forever in feathers strewn from a guardian angel blighted Lying hurts but the truth is worse The best part of being yourself is that you can’t do it wrong And you can’t do wrong in my eyes So close to perfect in my mind But the cigarette smoke reminds me of the tire smoke Reminds me of the bark, how it scratched Reminds me to stop breathing so heavy, he can see He’s coming for me One missed call One new message ignore it I want to go home
8.
Fly On The Wall (An Orange Sidewalk Paved Around Your Feet) 02:43
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Open the door to him sitting there I see the leather chair No more running away Face to face with the truth It’s only me and you I have so much to say Afraid to look you in the eyes But I know what I saw that night Skeletons in the closet of your broken Blood Red Camry Make or break the piece you take away that you hide from me Across the desk he’s just sitting there I hate this leather chair I’m not running away Eye to eye you still lie But I can see right through All the bullshit you say You had the keys (Shut up!) And you heard him scream (Yeah right!) And you left him there (So what?) And you didn’t care (Did what?) And you make it seem (Saw what?) Like you’re counseling (You’re crazy!) But you’re running away You’re just as scared as me Straight Fs on the personality test The whole conversation’s a game Where you add and subtract from the fiction and facts Until I doubt every word I say and what I feel I’m not insane I know what’s real The orange and red beneath the wheel And I just kept my lips sealed You said that you want what’s best for me You were lying through your teeth Not afraid to look you in the eyes Cause I know what I saw that night Skeletons in the front seat of your broken Blood Red Camry Make or break the pain you take away that you take from me
9.
Elephant In The Room (If You Can Keep A Secret) 03:15
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I’ve come too fucking far. To just let some fucking kid Run his big fucking mouth And ruin my life and his Have you ever killed somebody? In the middle of a major city? You do not talk to me about fear I still smell the smoke I still feel her hair I still see the tire marks, still hear the radio I still taste her blood Smile and wave goodbye to how it was 121,000 crashes in Philly last year That’s 87,000 injuries That’s 1,256 deaths But this one is not getting reported Everyone looks at the fly on the wall but ignores the elephant in the room. As far back as I can remember this same fucking thing has followed me. I can’t just chalk it up to like bad luck...black cats...it’s a part of me. So I just jump ship in a leap of faith and I just try to stay out the fucking way. But if we’re all just children of god who live under the stairs, then who cares? You ran from the park, I run from the dark. I won’t keep the score, if you can keep a secret? I don’t have to explain myself We both know why I left the school in New Jersey You want your bed warm and your orange juice cold You want everything perfect but that’s not real Your salad days are wilting away While you obsess and regress with chimera and zeal Look into my purple tie And you’ll see exactly where your fate lies An exit for each primary color And a ritualistic suicide
10.
The Sanguine I: Nevermind Narcissist 04:24
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You may be close but you’ll never know what he’s been through the way I do And you may be bright, but when I bring you to the light We’ll see just how fake a girl’s best friend can be So stuck up to get shut down The fantasy will see reality now I know when and I know how The heart breaks in two And there’s no room for you There’s no room for you here, bitch Love always comes through when it’s actually true Drown yourself in Chardonnay as you celebrate another victory lap of luxury, another lie that’s comforting You’re controlling Then consoling? It’s revolting And disgusting Your love and hate Come from the same place It’s written on your face It’s written on your face He poured his heart right out and down into the drain of you and everything you do to keep him in check-mate. Is this what you wanted? Stealing joy like a thief but I have the receipts. Its highway robbery, your emotional tax and fees. Plus, the shipping and handling you charge for an apology. I don’t know how but I’ll write you in My Chicago Typewriter, will you trade your bullets for pens? Using my hands, I dig for a means to an end The filament is flickering Pull the pin, and let the dog begin I wanna feel a pain that’s worth it A pressure pulsing in my veins I know if it doesn’t hurt, it’s not worth it In time you’ll see all I’ve done to you In time, you’ll understand what I put him through Your brilliance is dim and dying As we pull back the covers on all your lying Keep flaunting your bite marks to whoever will look The reality is your sharp teeth are blinding You are a narcissist and you can ruin anything I put the hoodie in your Camry trunk You are going down for everything! Now tell me, is this what you wanted? A racing mind so exhausted?? The guilt of knowing you bought it???? Is this what you wanted?!
11.
The Sanguine II: Misguided Malice 04:24
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Quick to judge, quicker to jump to conclusions Sensitive athletic thug, all wrapped in one Cut your hair short It makes you feel like a real man But it’s in the shake of your hands I can’t seem to care About a dumb jock and his peers Praised and excused, no consequences for you So clinical and typical High school football hero You’re a copy of an open book, read all over Cut your hair short Makes you feel like a real man But it’s in the shake of your hands Father doesn’t take his time setting his sun straight And it’s in your mother’s nature to take after her ways Might take you years to get your name clear, its sad but true Took 64gb right out of his hoodie, the headphones too Took his girlfriend for a weekend, but that’s not you Took your time fully building a lie A lie to hide your face, to hide your shame, to hide your flames, that burned you down in your broken glass house with your pocket full of stones that you won’t let go but the whole school knows I know you know that everyone knows It’s so hard to make a da Vinci with jaded sharpies and paper thin patience The writing on the walls in your closet were highlighted and exclaimed as you grew into yourself and out of that shame. And I understand your rash intention but my brother ain’t deserve that resentment. The grass wasn’t as green as you think on the other side of our street. You pushed him to the edge And now my brother is dead I pushed you to the edge And I would do it again
12.
The Sanguine III: Auditorium Annihilation 04:10
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Come and go You always have to fucking stop and then think Its like you always stay and then leave Not to mention you’re always sad or you’re mad Just breathe Come and go Its like you always have to stop and then think Its like you always stay and then leave Not to mention you’re always sad or you’re mad Just breathe I’ve got it all figured out I’ve got your back for life I’ll always be by your side More like my brother and less like a friend Because I know you outside and in Come and go Its like you always fucking stop and then think Its like you always stay and then leave Not to mention you’re always sad or you’re mad Just breathe Come and go Its like you always have to stop and then think Its like you always stay and then leave Not to mention you’re always sad or you’re mad Just Breathe You’re my muse and I’m a musician But this swan song is out of key And I keep tuning your heart strings But I can’t match the tempo of your heartbeat You’re probably wondering why I always call your house so late And you’re probably wondering why I already had your number saved You’re probably wondering why I chose to tap you on the shoulder When that’s not even my bus stop and I’m 2 years older You’re probably wondering why I knew your favorite color is orange And you’re probably wondering why I knew your brother’s favorite songs You’re probably wondering why I waited in the school lobby And you’re probably wondering why I put those feathers around your body You had such a fall from grace, it really was a shame That Jamie couldn’t be more and her life was filled with pain Every pill, every bottle, every fight, every night Every year that got us here, trying to make things right Every thing played out exactly how I had envisioned And I hope you see I’m the only one that ever listened The guilt I feel for knowing but not knowing what to do Your guardian angel, my brother’s keeper. I spent 20 years in a state of constant fear Bracing for the impact of our lives crashing down So I will not let go of the one thing I can control No No, please don’t go I wish that I could make you stop, reflect and think I wish that I could make you stay but you had to leave I fear the ink is done drying on this tragedy I’m all you need I’m all you’ll ever need And it’s because I love you You’re so indecisive but I’ve already decided It’s J+T
13.
The Sanguine IV: Exit Pt. VII (The Confession Of Classroom 2114) 06:18
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My resent and regret Burns a hole in my aching chest Just like the last cigarette You put out on subway steps I caught the last train home Caught my reflection in the rainy window I’m all alone You loved me so much more than I loved myself And judging by the looks on the cover of this book, I should’ve stayed on the shelf I just wanted to help Turn a page or a new leaf, a future for you and me I always wonder if you see what I see You, me and Jackie on late nights laughing But he’s dead Its so hard to walk away from the worst mistake you’ve made I lost a part of me when he died, the only thing we could do is cry But its hard to go on this way, we won’t be okay, we won’t be okay I think about it every night I wasn’t wrong, it wasn’t right I didn’t want to lose my life Its safe to say we both died that night

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released June 6, 2025

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djent experimental hardcore metalcore post-hardcore progressive
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