How Haunting Teenage Conversations Led Track45's KK Johnson to Co-write 'When I Grow Up' (Exclusive)

It took four years for Track45’s deeply personal new single “When I Grow Up” to materialize, but many more years for the feelings behind the song to simmer within the soul of KK Johnson.

“Simmer is actually the perfect word,” says KK Johnson, 27, in a revealing interview with PEOPLE. “This song has gone on a journey, and we've rewritten and written and rerecorded and worked on the song for a long time, probably four years trying to get it right.”

Indeed, the country sibling trio made up of siblings Ben, Jenna and KK Johnson all agree that from the beginning, “When I Grow Up” was always the type of song they wanted to take their time with, in the hopes that they could get it right.

Because ultimately, it was KK Johnson’s story to tell. 

“You never really think about it when you're young ... that some of the people who are your friends aren't going to be there forever,” says KK Johnson, whose memories of a high school friend that experienced "severe suicidal thoughts" ultimately was the driving creative factor behind “When I Grow Up.” “When you're younger, the gravity of a situation doesn't even really hit you until you're looking back at it.”

Indeed, as the touching lyrics of “When I Grow Up” play out, they tell an agonizing story taken from KK Johnson’s past, when a high school friend would confide in her about the dark thoughts she was battling.  

“It was a lot to carry as a kid,” reflects KK Johnson. “I definitely felt like I couldn't talk about it with anyone.”

But she did find a way to tell her brother and sister.

“You never know how heavy the situation is,” says Track45’s Ben Johnson, 31, to PEOPLE. “I think we knew probably 30% of what KK was dealing with, but it's like an iceberg. You kind of see the surface, but it's what's underneath the water and under all those layers that we didn’t know about. Years and years went by before we realized just how heavy that whole situation was.”

“I remember KK saying, ‘I don't know what to say,” adds Jenna Johnson, 32, of her sister’s plight. “She kept on saying, ‘I don't know what to do. How do I make things better?’ I think just sitting with someone and just talking to them and being there, so they don’t feel alone is so important. You don't always have to try to fix things.”

And while the years have passed since those dark conversations with her high school friend, the lessons KK Johnson learned during that time remain. 

“I think the reason that we are putting this song out is because so many people go through similar situations like this and feel alone and feel isolated,” says KK Johnson, who alongside her Track45 bandmates released their deeply personal EP Grew Up On earlier this year. “And that's the worst feeling in the world, especially when you're young. I'm not the only one who's ever felt these things or had someone known someone who's felt these things. I think that so many people are going to be able to hear their own story in this song.”

But at the same time, it’s not a song with all the answers. 

“It’s not instructional in any way,” continues KK Johnson, who wrote the song with the help of her Track45 bandmates along with fellow songwriters Jonny Price and Jaida Dryer. “This song is purely saying, you're not alone in this situation. And hopefully hearing the song can give people in the situation or who have ever felt this way feel less alone and less isolated, and they can talk about it and feel freed in a way.”

Certainly, “When I Grow Up” does deal with a situation that might have not been so freely discussed within the course of a three-minute song years ago, at a time when the stigma surrounding mental health remained. 

“It took us four years to put this song together, and I don't know if it could have come out two years ago,” says Ben Johnson, who alongside his Track 45 bandmates will host a show in Franklin, Tennessee on Oct. 26 with all proceeds benefiting the Mental Health Initiative, an organization co-founded by him, his wife Lauren Conklin and mental health specialist Jessie Louverture whose mission it is ‘to ensure individuals experiencing severe and recurring mental health challenges have access to effective treatment regardless of income or insurance status.’

“At the end of the day, we make music to connect with people,” concludes KK Johnson. “Even though [‘When I Grow Up’] is a very heavy and dark song, there is still hope inside of there, and hopefully that comes across.”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.