Identify the root and branches of shame, attachment pain and powerlessness
Identify the root and branches of shame, attachment pain and powerlessness
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December 2019 Newsletter

Insights into Our Mission of Helping Hurting Hearts

WoW!

With Facebook and personal matches from faithful donors, YOU helped Discovering MErcy raise $3,625 during Giving Tuesday 2019!
You ALSO helped purchase $575 worth of items on our Amazon Smile wish list, which will help provide necessary household items to make the Discovering MErcy home furnished for trauma survivors who visit for intensive counseling.
Thank you for caring, sharing, giving and standing with us to sustain our organization and move us forward! We're excited to move forward on strategic plans for 2020!

Understanding
The Trauma Tree

Identifying the root and branches of shame, attachment pain and powerlessness 
By Audrey,
Assistant Executive Director

Christmas is for everyone! For a child, Christmas is full of wonder and joy! Unfortunately, there are many of you that have known something different in Christmas’ past. Holidays even now as an adult can be painful. Meeting with family and friends can sometimes feel unsurvivable...and you don’t even know why. 

WORDS FOR WHY…..

As children, we develop our sense of who we are through our relationships. When relationships are confusing, children who have been raised in unsafe environments unconsciously develop a defense strategy in order to get his or her needs met.

This ego defense strategy helps a child to survive what is overwhelming, intolerable, or too painful. The child’s unconscious strategy separates emotion and pain from present day “knowing.” This separation or splitting off process is known as dissociation and is a protective measure of the mind. This protective measure ultimately protects the heart of the child. 

The child’s mind develops around this process, and it serves us in surviving our early life. However, when we grow into adulthood, we realize what originally was the child’s solution has now become the adult’s problem. A healing journey begins when we realize it no longer works to live a life from the same defense mechanisms that a child built just to survive.

Feeling unworthy of love is extremely common, it causes the heart to be hidden, longing to be seen, known, and loved but too afraid to step out of the familiar protective defense mechanisms.

Beliefs that stem from living life out of a dissociated defense mechanism include feeling:

* I am not being worthy of love…

* It is dangerous to even FEEL!

* I do not belong in this family!

* I am numb so I must not be human.

* I do not deserve to be loved.

* I just don’t matter

The belief that we are not worthy of love is not healed through repeating the the opposite to affirm our worthiness, “I Am Worthy.” That will only create more inner conflict when the belief comes to our mind again.

When a child has separated their pain of not feeling loved due to abuse or neglect in her home and her heart’s desire is to just be seen, known, loved and not hurt, then the internal conflict holds the pain intact.  “I guess I am not lovable when I long to just be loved.”

An adult survivor of this type of childhood abuse will often be emotionally triggered walking into a family gathering during the holidays. The internal conflict held by the child within, “I LONG TO BE SEEN AND LOVED!” will crash against the belief “I AM NOT LOVABLE.”

FURTHER EXPLAINED

The “I am not lovable” belief is held by a teenager or young adult part inside that has long since walked out to the altruistic thoughts of the child. “I long to be loved….so the belief “I am not lovable” is a protective stance to protect the heart of the person.  

Remember, with dissociation, there is ONE heart, with many parts inside who protect the heart. All parts of a person protect the heart. It is normal to have God-given desires most humans have… a desire to be loved and have safe loving relationships with others (attachment). When that child long ago is being abused or neglected, the heart feels unsafe and under siege …and the mind begins to protect…the internal defense is set up with conflicts against itself….  “I desire to be loved…but I am unlovable.”

The process of healing is to begin to feel the truth and identify where the pain originated and then ask what the belief is about ourselves held by the child inside. It is difficult to feel the place where we were not loved for, cared about or cherished in some way that we needed to be. But ultimately, this is a trauma that has risen from a lack of being cherished and loved. 

At Discovering MErcy, we help walk trauma survivors through this process of understanding one’s own heart and the defense mechanisms that no longer work as an adult because of their childhood. Together, it is possible to get to the root of what can bring on the shame, attachment pain and powerlessness during the holidays that once represented survival as a child. 


Learn more about what we do to help survivors. For more information, contact us.

If you have friends of loved one struggling this holiday season, please share and forward this article. 

Lindsay's Story

Lindsay's Testimony

"Until I went to Discovering MErcy, I had never known the feeling of belonging anywhere. I became a Christian over 20 years ago. When I read the verse that says "This is not my home," I just assumed that the verse must be explaining this feeling...but it wasn’t. I actually experienced the feeling of knowing that I belong for the first time in my life at Discovering MErcy. I never realized that that was just part of being human.

Because of my ministry time with Discovering MErcy I can now...use the tools they have given me to stay married and parent well. My counseling with Discovering MErcy is different because...they see and seek to know ALL of me.

My faith in God today is complicated...."

Read the rest of Lindsay's Story on our testimony portion of our Web site. 
Be part of the team that helps support trauma survivors!
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   Check out The Discovering MERcy Cafe PressStore with a variety of t-shirts, totes, hats and holiday ornaments! In addition to our logo products, we also have a "Holiday" section for the latest in beautiful ornaments!
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Creative 
Year-End Stocking Stuffer Idea 

By Joe Mastriani, CPA
Buckno Lisicky & Co

Individual taxpayers, who have two options when they file their personal federal income tax returns — take a standard deduction or itemize deductions — usually select the option that reduces their overall tax liability the most. Due to the recent tax law changes, the standard deduction available for taxpayers became much larger — almost twice what it was previously. This change makes it less likely that the sum of a taxpayer's itemized deductions will exceed the larger standard deduction, especially with new limits in place on deductible state and local taxes (SALT, including real and personal property taxes, state and local income taxes, and sales taxes) and mortgage interest.

A potential side effect of fewer taxpayers itemizing their deductions is that these taxpayers may choose to reduce or eliminate charitable contributions to not-for-profit organizations because their contributions will no longer reduce their personal income taxes.
So, what can taxpayer-donors do to retain the tax deductibility of donations?
One strategy that allows individuals to continue to donate and receive tax benefits is to "bunch" donations to charities in specific years, while limiting donations in other years. When individual taxpayers contribute by bunching donations, they combine multiple years of "normal" annual charitable contributions into a single year. In the bunch years, the relatively large charitable contributions, in combination with other itemized deductions that cannot be timed this way — generally, mortgage interest and SALT taxes — will increase the likelihood of exceeding the standard deduction and thus provide the taxpayers with additional tax savings.

Read an example for married taxpayers filing a joint return.
Charities like Discovering MErcy need your continued financial support and whether one calls this stocking stuffer idea bunching or bundling, it’s a win-win scenario for everyone!
To make a gift to Discovering MErcy, contact us or visit our donation page.

Thank you!


We really appreciate all for your heartfelt support! We want to wish each and every one of you our very best this Christmas season. 


In His Mercy,
Fern & Audrey

P.S. For questions about Discovering MErcy, send us a note!



 
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