Let’s Stop Shifting the Blame
I’m titling this presentation: Let’s Stop Shifting the Blame, because I believe a major truth is missing concerning the application of, Proverbs 14:1 (KJV), “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” (Embolden mine.)
It’s time to get it right. This verse is usually applied exclusively to women as a warning or criticism.
Imagine with me, if this verse is written to women (read wives). It’s about a wife who’s been characteristically destroying her house (read her attitudes and actions have been, and are, destructive).
She is then faced with Proverbs 14:1, by someone who wants her to change. How likely is it that her response is going to be, “Wow, thanks for pointing this out to me. I have been destructive in my home. I see now that that’s not very wise — I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m going to correct myself right now!” Really! (Remember I asked you to imagine with me.)
But let’s say that she wasn’t convicted by the King James version.
So, she’s shown the Amplified Version. It presents an elaborated, stronger warning when it says, “The wise woman builds her house [on a foundation of godly precepts, and her household thrives], But the foolish one [who lacks spiritual insight] tears it down with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles].” (Emboldens mine.)
But what if this verse is not meant for women? What if it’s specifically for us men/husbands?
What’s unfortunate is that neither fathers nor husbands are receiving the blessings of being concerned about the warnings found in Proverbs 14:1.
But that shouldn’t be surprising since men are traditionally the ones who decide who Bible verses are aimed at.
But if those men are men/husbands, who will admit they don’t understand the mind or spirit of a woman — who also don’t have a clue about dealing with either: a wife’s temperaments, or meeting her emotional needs as they’re being expressed within their marriage.
Still, at the same time men assign this verse to women (read wives) they’re also revealing their inability to clearly understand what’s motivating a wife’s destructive behaviors within their marriage so they can resolve them like the Christ would.
Let’s say that her destructive nature was either present when they were married or developed shortly after they were married. In either case, it’s proof that the husband (or the lack of help from his spiritual advisor/s) didn’t or doesn’t have solutions that actually worked for resolving the problem.
Yet Jesus, who thoroughly understands the mind, heart/spirit of a woman, would know precisely why those women are manifesting as they are, and what lasting solutions consist of.
Instead (and how convenient) men have been the ones who have exclusively assigned this verse to women. It also turned out to be a convenient escape mechanism for men who God holds responsible for the solutions. (See Ephesians 5:25 through 27).
But it’s also evidence of men’s traditional thinking brought on by historical “Christian” theology. That’s the same type of men’s traditions that Jesus denounced (See Mark 7:6-8).
Then, amazingly, those same men who willingly admit they do not understand the mind, or heart (the spirit) of a woman, are the ones who determine the rules, regulations, and guidelines for women. Supposedly to provide women directions for gaining spiritual strength and maturity.
After all that, let me build a picture of my understanding of the message delivered by God in Proverbs 14:1.
Let me propose a couple of questions.
Is it too difficult to believe that this woman’s house is her home? Is it unreasonable to accept that in this house/home, she’s a wife?
In order to put this verse in proper perspective, I’ve got to ask another question.
Especially referring to the Amplified Version… where it’s addressing the foolish one (wife) [who lacks spiritual insight] tears down her house with her own hands [by ignoring godly principles]… how is it even possible that a wife, who has a godly, Christ-like husband — I said godly, Christ-like husband — a husband who is a living illustration of the Christ, as her spiritual leader, is likely to act that way?
Why would she “ignore godly principles” provided by her husband who’s an example of the Christ and who lives with her in her home/house?
If that is in fact the case, she’s being destructive, while married to a literally Christ-like husband, then how can anyone have any confidence in Ephesians 5:25 through 27?
How can anyone have the slightest hint of faith in the Bible either, since it’s supposed to have answers for those types of situations in any home?
Ephesians 5:25 through 27 present the example of Jesus and the church as a prototype — making a direct and distinct comparison — correlating Jesus and the church with a wife and her husband.
It says, in Ephesians 5:25-27 (AMPC), (Again, please remember with me, in these verses, God Himself, not me, is making the comparisons between the Christ and the church — and a husband and his wife.)
He’s clearly instructing us, “25 Husbands, love your wives, as (in the exact same manner as) Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, So that He (Christ, setting the example for a husband) might sanctify her (his wife), having cleansed her (setting the example for a husband to cleanse his wife) by the washing of water with the Word, That He might present the church (correlated to a wife) to Himself (as the husband is to do) in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she (the church — and a man’s wife) might be holy and faultless].” (Paraphrases mine.)
Here’s my summary. First, concerning the wise woman: As I read my Bible, which is God’s inspired Word, delivered to man by the Holy Spirit — my definition of wisdom as defined in the Bible as this: “Since God is where Wisdom comes from, responding to life from God’s perspective is wisdom.”
Second, I’ve got another question, would this woman who’s labeled foolish — lack spiritual insight? Would she be involved in tearing down her home with her own hands — and ignore godly principles if she had an Ephesian 5:25-27 Christ-like spiritual leader?
Of course, the answer would be, “No she wouldn’t!”
That being the case, I don’t believe this verse is intended for women. I believe it’s intended for husbands. Its purpose is to supply additional biblical instructions. It’s telling me, “Here’s a set of contrasts for you (men) that’ll allow you to measure yourself, as a Christian husband.
If your wife isn’t wise, instead she’s foolish, proven by her attitudes and her conduct of tearing down the home, then you the husband have failed to be an illustration of God’s Christ-like wisdom to her.
You haven’t been a living illustration of the Christ to your wife. That definitely would have brought her to a point of exercising spiritual wisdom... as illustrated and copied by her husband.
When that’s not the case: husbands, you are the problem.
But you ask, “What if she doesn’t have a husband and she’s destructive?” She has a father. He is charged by God to be her spiritual leader and her spirit’s caretaker.
So… if her disposition before becoming a wife is un-godly, her father has failed.
Then, you might ask, “How then is a husband at fault if her father did that to her?”
My response is this, “If the Christ were her husband, regardless of any of the damage that she might have suffered before being married to Him, would He know how, and be able to apply the specific solutions necessary (within at least a year) that would bring her to a place of wholesomeness and spiritual maturity? Absolutely He would!”
And please don’t say, “Well, I’m not the Christ”, because that’s no secret. No man is. But we are commanded by God to be an illustration of Him to our wives.
That then is God’s calling — as well as His Charge upon a Christian husband!
May I mention, it’s never too late, and I’d love for you to join the Christ Quest Institutes Fellow Warriors and get discipled for becoming a living illustration of the Christ.
