|
|
 |
|
How to be helpful when people are hurting
As a spiritual community, one of the things we try to do is help when people are hurting. But sometimes, we’re afraid to say or do anything because we don’t know the right thing to say. Here’s a useful image and rule of thumb. Sometimes this is called “Ring Theory,” the “Kvetching Order,” or “Comfort In, Dump Out.” This might be helpful as we navigate some public recent events that people are struggling with, but it’s helpful in any situation where people are hurting and you’re not sure what to say or do to be helpful.
The first step is to find where you are in the circles. Are you the person experiencing the pain here? If you are the one(s) at the center of controversy, or have just received a diagnosis, or just experienced the death of someone close, then YOU are the center circle. If you are a close friend or family member of that person, you might be in the next larger circle. Neighbors, other friends or family are in the circle larger, and so on. Take a guess at where you are. Then the rule of thumb is to “Comfort inward,” and “Seek Comfort Outward.” Or, “Comfort In, Dump Out.”
Comfort In: The only appropriate thing to do for people in circles smaller than yours is to offer support and care. Don’t even ask “How are you doing?” because that demands an answer, and if they say “Fine,” they’re probably lying. (I’ve made that mistake a lot. It’s okay, don’t beat yourself up. Just try to remember… Comfort, comfort, comfort). Don’t ask them questions about the situation unless they offer it. Don’t ask them to care for you, and sobbing all over them saying how sad you are about their situation IS asking them to care for you. Say things to them like, “I’m here for you.” “I love you.” “I’m so sorry this is happening.” “I’m glad you’re here.” “I want to help.”
Dump Out: When you need to do your own grieving, worrying, questioning, or crying… go to your own circle or one bigger than yours. If you’re in the center, you can do this with anyone! But, everyone else should seek support from people who are farther away from the Big Hard Thing than you are. Call your minister. See a counselor. Cry to another friend. These are the people you can ask questions from or demand answers from. These are the people you can process your grief or shock or anger with. You can say to these people “I’m so scared.” “How could this have happened?” or “This pisses me off.”
Our ministers, pastoral caregivers, and healthy congregation team are trained to be in the “outer circle” when sad or hard things happen. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We will also be hosting Listening and Processing Circles this coming Tuesday at 7:30 pm if you want to process some of your feelings about the recent events with Voices of Men.
But if you’re comforting a friend or loved one who is going through a hard time, or you see them out and about in the community, remember… “Comfort In, Dump Out.”
I hope this helps. With love… -Rev. Christina Leone-Tracy
| |
|
Upcoming Services Sunday at 10:00 am
| |
August 26 Improbable Connections by Mark Marnocha, Fellowship Member September 2 Belonging, Community and the Importance of Place
by Marie Luna, Director of Congregational Life
How does one find place? While living in many homes throughout Wisconsin, what has tied them together for me? I have realized it is a rather simple thing that helps me find my place, and I look forward to exploring this theme with worship leader and my co-parent, Brian Murton, who will talk about how our son has found his place at the Fellowship.
| |
------------------------------------------
At last weekend’s service, we collected $547.89 to spruce up the building for the new program year. If you missed the opportunity and still wish to contribute, please drop off or mail a check payable to Fox Valley Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, with Building Maintenance noted in the memo field, no later than Friday August 31, 2018. Thank you for your support! Backpack Blessing is coming!
Attention lifelong learners of all ages: Bring your backpacks/book bags, briefcases, and any other symbols of your enrollment in the school of life to the service on Sunday, September 2 for a Blessing of the Backpacks ceremony. During the ceremony, we will take a moment to reflect on our UU values and remind ourselves what it means to live them in our daily lives and within the larger community.
| |
Recent Events: Listening and Processing Circles
Tuesday, August 28, 7:30 pm
If the public events of the past week, involving sexual harassment and the leader of Voices of Men, have left you with feelings that need to be processed, we invite you to a listening and processing circle on Tuesday, August 28. These circles will each be facilitated by a lay member and a minister (Debbie Wagner and Rev. Christina Leone-Tracy; Mark Marnocha and Rev. Jim Coakley), and will be a space to share your feelings, be they confusion, sadness, anger, fear, concern, or something else, as well as hearing the feelings of others and continuing the work of processing these events. There will be two circles meeting in different rooms: one for women and one for men. We recognize the oversimplification of gender identity in this arrangement and encourage everyone to choose the group that feels best for their identity, or that they feel most comfortable in. Our hope is to provide safer space to process experiences and perceptions of these events which are layered with gender. We expect the circles to last between 60 and 90 minutes.
| |
Attention parents of late middle and high school students!
Final call for late summer signups: Our Whole Lives and UU Identity Coming of Age: UU Identity
Attention High School Freshmen- Visit Chicago with Rev. Christina!
Join us on the first and third Wednesday of the month during the program year in our UU: Identity class. We will focus predominantly on building your UU identity; the history of the UU movement; its roots in the past, some of its people of courage and action, and how our congregation lives its mission. Additionally, we will offer interviews and panel discussions of individuals from our Fellowship to discuss how they integrate their own identities as atheists, agnostics, Buddhists, pagans, Christians, Jewish, etc. with Unitarian Universalism. This year the class will culminate in an overnight fieldtrip to the Chicago area to visit UU historical and heritage sites (such as the Olympia Brown Congregation in Racine, the Frank Lloyd Wright Unity Temple, the crypt at 1st Unitarian, Meadville Lombard Theological School, and more!) Don’t miss out on this exciting opportunity to spend time with old friends, make new ones, and deepen your understanding of your faith! There is a $100 fee for the class, but scholarships are available so no one need miss out! Our Whole Lives
We still have openings in our OWL class which is designed for students in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. Please note that the recommended grade level for this class is 8th grade and that the majority of students who take it are in 8th grade, but individual rates of development make parents the best judge of the appropriate time in which to enroll their children. OWLs will be held on the first and third Wednesday evenings of each month starting in September. Click here for more information about OWLS. Please contact Kim Hartman, director of religious education, at kim@fvuuf.org with questions or to add your child’s name to the sign up for either of these programs.
| |
Attention all who are interested in the future of our Coming of Age program:
We will be holding the first of three opportunities to meet as a group to discuss how our Coming of Age programs (both Mentorship and UU Identity) might look as we move into the future. At these meetings we will discuss the history of Fellowship youth programs, what we love about the CoA programs, and we will also talk about other UU CoA practices that we may wish to adopt. Anyone with a passion or interest in CoA may attend. We hope to have a wide cross section of parents of CoA graduates, parents of currently registered youth, past and present mentors, and youth who have graduated and who are currently attending.
Meetings will be from 6:30-8:30 in the Legacy Room on the following dates:
• August 29
• October 24
• January 30
Please contact Kim Hartman for more information.
| |
Attention adults of the Fellowship community
As you know, we are very excited to expand our weekend programs this year. Connection Saturdays will be time for for individuals of all ages to grow and learn in community. We are looking for adult members of our community to help our youngest members do the same in a safe and loving environment. If you have one Saturday per month to give to this important work, please contact Kim Hartman, director of religious education. We need YOU!
| |
UU Night Out, Tuesday, September 4
Join us the day after Labor Day at Wilder’s Bistro, 2639 S. Oneida Street in Appleton. We meet at 6:00 pm on the first Tuesday of every month at various restaurants around the Fox Valley for great food, laughter, and conversation. All members and friends of the Fellowship are welcome! If you would like to be added to the reservation, just call, text, or email Cindy Darling 920.205.9635 or kitsudarling@gmail.com.
| |
Oshkosh Satellite Program 2018-2019
Did you know that we have a Fellowship community in Oshkosh? We do! Anyone can join us for any of our gatherings. Our kickoff event is Wednesday, September 5th at 5:30 pm at Abe Rochlin Park in Oshkosh (on the corner of Oshkosh Ave. and N. Sawyer St.). Bring a dish to share in our potluck meal, and plates, cups, etc. for your family. We will enjoy a meal together and then celebrate a “Mingling of the Waters” ceremony and casual worship service led by Rev. Christina outdoors! Bring water from your summer adventures, your nearby park, or your own home to mingle together. We will meet again for meals at 5:30 pm and services at 6:15 pm led by Rev. Christina at B’Nai Israel Congregation (1121 Algoma Blvd., Oshkosh) on the following Wednesdays: December 19, February 20, and May 15. Any additional meetings will be announced if, and as, they arise. We look forward to seeing you this year at the Fellowship’s Oshkosh program!
| |
Heart to Heart 2018
A weekend retreat for couples to enrich and strengthen your relationship. Heart to Heart will be held Friday, September 21 through Sunday, September 23 at the Pilgrim Retreat Center on beautiful Green Lake. The retreat is open to all couples committed to each other and their relationship. All couples are welcome, unmarried, married, same-sex, opposite-sex, or gender fluid. Click here for details and a registration form.
| |
Women's Retreat Registration Open
September 28-30, 2018
We will once again hold our retreat for all who identify as women at Pine Lake Camp in Waupaca. This year’s theme will be the six sources of Unitarian Universalism. Registration information can be found at the Sign Up Spot or by emailing Heather Westley at firemoon0812@yahoo.com or Theresa Spoehr at cmtheresa@gmail.com.
| |
For Newcomers
The Inquirers Class is held on the first Sunday of every month from 12:00 - 12:30 pm. Snacks will be available and kids are welcome. Learn more about the Fellowship and start getting to know others in the community. Contact Marie Luna, director of congregational life, at marie@fvuuf.org with questions.
| |
Social Connection Saturday
Soup and Games on the first Saturday of every month starting in October
Join us every month for a night of homemade soup, bread and optional games. No need to sign up, just show up hungry There is always vegan and gluten free options available. Games might include the classics, like UNO, cards and Yahtzee, or newer games like Apples to Apples or Settlers of Catan. Bring your favorites if you want to share! There will also be a table for those who are just interested in conversation. All are welcome to attend these nights. Those who want to bring a soup to share would be appreciated. Contact Angie and Matt Demers with questions at angiebaby826@yahoo.com and matthew_demers@yahoo.com with any questions. There will be a special table every month for those who want to learn and/or play Dungeons and Dragons. This is a fantasy tabletop role-playing game that's been around for more than 40 years. Play the part of a hearty warrior, a cunning rogue, a wise cleric, or a powerful sorcerer. Explore your character's motivations, aid your fellow party members, slay monsters, and discover hidden treasures! All players are welcome. No experience required. All materials will be provided. Contact Jerry Behrendt with questions about D&D at jbehrendt@gmail.com.
| |
Calling all International Cultural Art!
The Art Committee invites you to share your international art from your travels abroad or from hosting international guests. This art show will be hung after service on Sept 16th through mid-November in the Fellowship Hall. Please bring pieces ready to hang on the wall with your name, country of the piece, and any story behind it or information about the art you would like to share. Please contact Cyndi at the Fellowship (cyndi@fvuuf.org) if you need to bring your piece(s) before the 16th. Let's kick off the program year with a World-Wide Welcome! -Art Committee
| |
Welcome to our recent new members!
Jennifer Holz
Amanda and Andrew Kramp (with Felix)
Nathan Grimm
Linda Gardner
Merrisa Touray
| |
Overflowing Produce?
Do you have too many tomatoes or cucumbers as the summer bounty ripens? Bring any extra produce you might have from your garden to the Fellowship on Sunday to share! You are also invited to bring copies of your favorite recipes or even one to sample.
| |
Office Closed
The office will be closed on Tuesday, August 28.
| |
Rev. Christina's 2018-2019 Community Office Hours
Join Rev. Christina for her bimonthly Community Office Hours at local coffee shops throughout the Fox Valley! This year Rev. Christina will have two each month, once on a Wednesday afternoon from 2-4:00 pm and once on a Thursday morning from 8-10:00 am. No RSVP needed, come for part of the time or stay the entire time! Topics of conversation will depend on who joins us; there is no agenda. Come enjoy coffee and conversation! September – Planet Perk in the Grind
240 Algoma Blvd. Suite 101b, Oshkosh
5th – 2-4:00 pm
20th – 8-10:00 am
| |
Upcoming Child Dedication Ceremony Dates
Dedicating a child at the Fellowship is a powerful and precious ritual, designed to welcome your young one into life and into the loving embrace of our community. Any member or committed friend of the Fellowship may request a child dedication by contacting the lead minister indicated below.
September 23rd (with Rev. Christina), 9:00 and 10:45 am services – sign up by September 9.
December 16th (with Rev. Christina), 4:00 pm Solstice service – sign up by December 3.
February 24th (with Rev. Leah), 9:00 and 10:45 am services – sign up by February 1.
June 9th (with Rev. Leah), 10:00 am service – sign up by May 20.
| |
|  |
Click the image for our mailing address and staff email addresses. | |
| | |
| Click here for the current financial report. Click here for the current Governing Board meeting agenda.
| |
Thank you for reading The Weekly Scroll, and pardon any typos.
Rev. Leah Hart-Landsberg, Associate Minister (On sabbatical until 12/24)
| |
|
| Quick Links
Joys and Concerns
As your faith community, we want to celebrate your joys with you and support you through times of concern. To share a joy or concern with our ministers and/or at services, please email Rev. Jim at jim@fvuuf.org. To be added to the Joys and Concerns email list, contact Cyndi Polakowski at cyndi@fvuuf.org.
| |
| 
Connection Saturdays coming in September. Click here for details. | |
| | |
|
Weekly CalendarSaturday, August 25
6:30am Joyful Mind Zen Sangha
Sunday, August 26
10:00am Worship Service 6:00pm Smiling Dandelion Sangha Monday, August 27
9:00am Goddess Group Tuesday, August 28 Office Closed
6:30pm Tuesday Night Meditation 7:30pm Recent Events Processing Circles Thursday, August 30 10:00am Photography as a Spiritual Practice
| |
|
Book Club Books UU Book Club
August: Leonardo Da Vinci by Walter Isaacson
September: A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
