January 13, 2025

The first funeral I ever officiated by myself was a graveside service for a person I'd never met from a family I'd never seen with my own eyes, at a cemetery I didn't even know existed.

I talked with the woman's son briefly on the phone, but I was just as "lost" as he was. I didn't really know what to ask or what to suggest. It was an awkward conversation, heavy on politeness and definitely lacking in details.

So I did what I knew to do--
* I prayed, promising to "do my part" and reminding God to do GOD'S part;
* I chose Scriptures full of comfort and promise and hope;
* I wondered what this family needed to hear and how this particular death would impact them (no clue on either part!)
--and then, just before I left home for the service, I set the sleeve of my sweater on fire trying to cook a grilled cheese sandwich!*

Despite my charred sleeve, my anxiety about "getting it right" (or worse: "getting it wrong!"), and the lack of connection between myself and the family, the service was...hope-filled...gracious...lovely...holy.

"It's exactly what she would have wanted," the family insisted. Maybe they were just being kind to the nervous preacher with the burn mark on her cardigan, but I received their kindness as a grace.

As we talked, I realized that both the family and I had experienced God's power and presence on that cold February morning in ways none of us really expected. Miracle of miracles: God was right there with us, despite their deep grief, our lack of relationship with each other, my uncertainty, and the grilled cheese mishap!

That was 5,444 days ago, and I've become a lot more comfortable with funerals than I ever imagined I would. At this point, the  funerals I've officiated outnumber the weddings 6.25:1. 

The good news is that I haven't set any more sleeves on fire (though I still miss that sweater!).

The better news is that I understand a lot more about funerals than I did at that first one. 

The best news is that God is always right there with us, in the sanctuary, in every funeral home chapel, at each open grave: with me, with the beloved saint we are laying to rest, with the community who gathers for the funeral, and with the family as they celebrate and mourn and doubt and hope and wonder what life will be like tomorrow.

*One thing I definitely know: don't go to a funeral or an emergency room hungry!

I am no "expert" at funerals, but I am a seasoned veteran, and I have a hunch that you are, too. The privilege / obligation / responsibility / honor of walking alongside a grieving family and congregation through dying, death, and burial is part of what we do as Ministers. It is holy work.

I love a good funeral--and I despise a bad one. A statement like that begs the question: what's "good" about a good funeral--and "bad" about a bad one? A second, related question has been on my mind lately, too: what's "Christian" about a Christian funeral?

In his book "Accompany Them with Singing," Tom Long takes that question very seriously. For him, the main point of a Christian funeral is no different than that of any other Christian ritual or act of worship: it is the Gospel.

Of course.

But what does that mean? And why have I attended so many bad funerals which were swimming in words about Jesus?

In a good Christian funeral, the words we say, the prayers we pray, the songs we sing, the scripture we proclaim, the sermon we preach, the memories we share, and even the way we move through the service strengthen the connections between
* the life story of the person who died,
* the faith journey of the gathered community, and
* the promises of the Gospel. 

We revisit familiar territory (and hear familiar words) "refracted through the prism of the life of the one who has died," Long says; and, as we do, we are able to embrace the convictions that shape our lives (and deaths) as followers of Jesus Christ in ways that give us hope, consolation, courage, and the sort of connections that don't end at an open grave.

When you stand and preach at a funeral, you remind everyone who has gathered there that death has neither the last word nor the last laugh.

It's powerful stuff.

An Online Learning Opportunity for Busy Preachers

The Louisa Woosley Preaching Initiative is built on the conviction that preaching matters.

Holiday preaching, revival preaching, the-week-after-Easter preaching, regular-Sunday-in-October preaching...and even funeral preaching.

Or maybe, especially funeral preaching. 

A funeral is probably the most diverse audience you'll ever have.

During a funeral, faithful saints and avowed atheists sit side-by-side, all wondering what this particular death means, and why this person's life mattered; what is fair or unfair; why their own lives matter, and what they will do next. 

What a privilege / obligation / responsibility / honor to stand in that holy space and bring Good News on a bad day.

We'd like to help YOU make the most of those opportunities, dear preachers: starting with an online learning opportunity next month:

ONLINE CLASS: The Christian Funeral

Tuesdays, February 11 + 18,
1:30-3:00 pm (Eastern)

OR

Thursdays, February 13 + 20,
7:00-8:30 pm (Eastern)

This course is open to all CP ministers, lay speakers, and ministry candidates.

We'll start with WHY: Why do we Christians do what we do and say what we say at a funeral? What's the point? The purpose?

Understanding our "why" is as important in funerals as it is in any other aspect of our life, our ministries, or our call. Rooted in a solid understanding of WHY, we can make good decisions regarding "what" and "how" (and even "where").

Once we've gotten a handle on our "why," we will move on to ways we can work with the funeral director to help grieving families plan a service that is personal without being so "personalized" we lose sight of the Gospel.

We'll explore the funeral as an integral part of the church's work and witness across the lifetime of our members, and share ideas for how to get the congregation more engaged during the funeral and after.

We'll also dive into at least one type of "difficult" funeral (you can vote on that when you register).

Here's what to expect:

Registration will close on February 1, 2025. We'll send an email with the Zoom links and some more info on February 4.

PS--If this week's football / basketball prospects don't excite you as much as thinking about funerals does (!!), here's a video worth 53 minutes of your time. (FYI: It's also a great way to prepare for our online class!).

"A good funeral gets the dead where they need to go and the living where they need to be." -Tom Lynch

Did anything in this video challenge your own attitudes toward and habits around funerals?

The Louisa Woosley Preaching Initiative is a grant-funded program of the Cumberland Presbyterian Church. Our goal is to equip ministers and candidates for ministry to preach compelling sermons to today's diverse and often divided world. 

For more information about the initiative and our programs, visit our website.