Elysian Charter School
A Positively Different Public School
May 23, 2016 Vol. 11 Issue 35
Please note that the school newsletter is sent out on Mondays. When there is a holiday, the newsletter is sent the following day. Please send news to email@example.com by 1:00 PM on Mondays.
The weekly newsletter is archived on Elysian's website, www.ecsnj.org, so that you can always access both the most recent newsletter as well as all previous ones.
How to Help Kids Deal With Embarrassment
Don't minimize his feelings, but do praise him for being resilient
For most adults minor embarrassments are just a part of life — annoying, but inevitable and hardly a big deal. But for many kids, embarrassing experiences can be very upsetting and, in some cases, may lead to serious issues like anxiety and avoidance.
We can’t protect our children from embarrassment, but we can help them build the resilience and confidence they need to deal with it in a healthy way.
Kids look to parents for cues on how to manage difficult emotions like embarrassment. “As parents we set the behavioral tone for our kids,“ says Dr. Rachel Busman, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, “So when we’re helping children learn healthy emotional habits, the first step is to consider how we handle similar situations in our own lives.”
Taking a look at how you deal with embarrassing experiences at home will help you set an example of healthy behavior for your child.
- Don’t obsess: If you tend to dwell on mistakes you’ve made (“I can’t believe I did that!” “I could have died of embarrassment!”), it’s more likely your child will do the same.
- Stay calm: If you lose your cool when an embarrassing situation happens to you, or react by becoming angry or upset, you’re sending a message to your child that it’s a big deal.
- No teasing: Kids accidentally do and say some very funny things, but it’s important not to mock mistakes or poke fun at embarrassing incidents. If small embarrassments are treated with ridicule, kids may start associating even minor missteps with feelings of shame and humiliation. Teasing — even if it seems gentle — can be very upsetting to kids, especially if they’re already feeling sensitive.
Take your child’s feelings seriously
There’s no yardstick for embarrassment. Something that sounds small to you — giving the wrong answer in class for example — may feel huge to your child.
If your child is embarrassed it’s important not to dismiss his feelings, even if the situation that caused them sounds like no big deal.
“We naturally want to downplay embarrassing experiences by saying things like ‘it’s not as bad as you think,’” says Dr. Busman. “But when kids are experiencing these big, really upsetting emotions that can feel like a brush-off.”
But don’t overreact
If your child comes home upset, what he doesn’t need is for you to get upset, too, or angry on his behalf. (“That sounds awful!” “Those kids should be ashamed of themselves for laughing!”) And don’t assume that he wants or needs you to do something about it. When a child worries that a parent will overreact or make an embarrassing situation worse, he’s likely to be reluctant to share his feelings.
“When a child is hurting, as parents we want to do all we can,” says Dr. Busman, “but if your kid is feeling embarrassed, heaping more attention on the situation can make it worse, not better.”
Praise positive skills
If your child shares an embarrassing situation with you, take care to validate her feelings, but don’t dwell on them or over comfort. Instead, praise positive coping skills. If she made a mistake during a piano recital, praise her for staying focused and finishing the piece. Reframing negative experiences will help your child identify healthy reactions and practice them, building what we call metacognitive skills. You could say: “I’m so sorry that happened today. I know it was upsetting but I am so proud of how you handled it. It takes a really brave person to keep playing when things are hard.”
If your child fell in gym class and other kids laughed, it may seem to him as though everyone saw, everyone laughed and no one will ever forget it — ever.
Of course you know that’s not true but kids, especially younger ones, often struggle to see beyond their own feelings, which can make embarrassing situations feel like front-page news. “Kids can be egocentric,” explains Dr. Busman, “so when something embarrassing happens to your child it can feel like everyone is thinking about it as much as he is, when in reality most kids will have moved on by the next day.”
Learning to put his feelings and experiences in context will help your child gain perspective and build resilience.
- Unpack: Help your child take a metacognitive approach to his feelings by asking open-ended questions. For example: Your child isn’t the only one who’s ever fallen down in gym class, so you could begin by asking how he felt when other kids did the same thing. Learning to put his own experiences in context can help your child start to see embarrassing situations from a better angle.
- Share: Sharing examples from your own life will help normalize embarrassment. “I dropped my handbag at the grocery store the other day. It practically exploded all over the floor. Everyone laughed, but then several people helped pick things up.”
- But don’t compare: Offering perspective is good but be careful to avoid comparing your experiences with your child’s. (“You think that’s bad, when your brother was your age…”) Your child may end up feeling like his experiences are unimportant — or not serious enough to warrant how upset he’s feeling — which can make him feel worse for not being tougher.
- Let your child take the lead: Sometimes questions are helpful, but there may be times when your child just doesn’t want to talk about it. “Letting kids take the lead is important,” says Dr. Busman. “If your child says, ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ or seems too upset, don’t push.” Embarrassment is a big feeling and sometimes kids just need space to cool down.
Helping your child gain perspective without minimizing his feelings will make it easier for him to move past negative experiences — and give him an important tool for building self-awareness in the future.
When to step in
Embarrassing situations happen to everyone from time to time, but if your child regularly comes home from school upset, or has a major change in behavior or mood, there may be something more serious going on.
- Bullying: Unfortunately, kids aren’t always kind. Most children will be made fun of at some point during their lives. Sporadic episodes of embarrassment are unpleasant — but not unusual. However, if your child regularly reports being teased or humiliated by his peers — especially kids who are bigger, older or more ‘popular’ — there’s a chance he’s being bullied, and it’s time to step in.
- Behavioral changes: Feeling a little down or anxious after an embarrassing incident is normal, but lingering behavioral changes — not sleeping, low appetite, excessive worrying — are not.
- Overreacting or obsessing: If your child’s reaction to something embarrassing seems out of proportion to the situation or he seems unable to move past it.
- Avoidance: Most kids who’ve had an embarrassing experience feel reluctant about returning to the class or social group where the problem occurred for a little while, but persistent avoidance is cause for concern. Some signs to watch for include frequently being too sick to go to school or asking to go to the nurse during a particular class, making excuses to avoid seeing friends, cutting class, skipping extracurricular activities or refusing to attend school entirely.
For some kids, fear of being embarrassed itself can become a serious issue. If a child seems to live in perpetual fear of embarrassment — even when there’s no obvious reason to worry — she may be experiencing social anxiety.
Social anxiety usually occurs in children who’ve reached adolescence, but it can develop earlier. A child with social anxiety panics at the thought of participating in day-to-day activities because she worries chronically about what other people will think of her, obsesses on how she appears to others, or fears making a mistake.
These fears can be very debilitating. For kids who see potential for humiliation at every turn, even basic interactions can feel like a minefield, and social, school and personal interactions often suffer. Withdrawal is common, but kids with social anxiety are also prone to lashing out when the threat of embarrassment overwhelms them.
The good news is that kids who develop social anxiety respond well to cognitive behavioral therapy, and with help can return to their normal activities.
It’s natural to want to protect your child from experiences that are hurtful or upsetting, but in the end, the best way for your child to build coping skills is through experience — with a side of support.
“Being embarrassed is part of life,” says Dr. Busman. “It’s tempting to try to shield our kids from difficult things, but in reality learning how to deal with those experiences in a healthy way is a skill that will serve your child well as he grows up.”
Rae Jacobson is a writer and content engagement specialist at the Child Mind Institute.
Red Nose Day
Get Seriously Silly for a Good Cause
Elysian is joining the Red Nose Day Campaign this year. Student School Climate Team members will be selling Red Noses this week . Each Red Nose is $1.00 and the proceeds benefit children and young people in the US and some of the poorest communities in the world.
Red Nose Day this year is Thursday, May 26th so don’t forget to get your nose and wear Red on Thursday to celebrate together.
Red Noses are available before and after school and during recess. School Climate Team members will visit grades K through 3 in their classrooms.
Happy Birthday Aram Rap
by Henry Plotka
Here's a little story that's just gotta be told
'bouta man who joined a school - who knows how long ago
We hear him on the guitar, you k now he ain't the worst
last name is Rubenstein-Gillis, and Aram's the first
Movies and c-span, podcasts and more; man, Aram's like Moses takin' us to the promised land.
One last thing to say to our savior, your 40 years old now, but remember... we made ya!
This was read at the last Community Meeting and several parents asked if the lyrics could be included in the newsletter - so here they are!
Campaign For Elysian – Year 2! We need you!
Thank you to everyone who has contributed so far to Year 2 of the Campaign! Our Year 2 total to date is $82,840 (with $20,106 raised separately from the auction). That means, to reach our goal of $125,00, we need to raise at least $42,160 by June 15.
Every donation makes a difference! If you’d like to contribute, please go to the following urls:
Please print the pledge form, fill it out accordingly and enclose a check (payable to “Friends of Elysian Charter School”). Envelopes can be either mailed or dropped off in the school office to Deb or Susan.
We accept donations daily, and the more donations that we receive on the earlier side, the easier budget planning will be for next year.
Our thanks to the following donors for their amazing generosity and support!
The Badali Family
The Campbell Family
Lumi and Mike Castlen
John, Gabe and Grace Demopoulos
Lynda Dexheimer and Leigh Higgins
Amy Farris and Daniel Bruk
Eduardo Gonzalez for Council
Olena and Thomas Hassell
Rebecca Jennings (KEEP Collective Jewelry fundraiser)
Roberta and Charles Mooney
Laura Patrizii and Daniele Ricciardi
Jing Pu and Feng Chen
Marisa and Brad Simon
Joan and Danny Spiegel
Zabrina and Glen Stoffel
Preeti and Jelke Terpstra
Alicia and James Weinstein
Marsh & McLennan (via Wesley Farish)
News Corp (Michele & Craig Linder)
Pfizer Foundation (Ed Nowicki)
Morgan Stanley (via Joan Spiegel)
Last Wednesday, Elysian was host to next year's kindergarten class. The new students had an opportunity to meet the teachers, get familiar with the classrooms and get to know one another. There were a few fretful moments in the beginning and smiles when they were leaving. A few parents told me that their kids wanted to stay and can't wait to begin! Sound familiar? Parents also got to meet one another and get familiar with an Elysian school day.
Many thanks go out to all the volunteers who agreed to be family mentors and to Carter and Stephanie Craft who volunteered to coordinate mentors for new families. For new families out there, you should be hearing from your new mentor any day now. You will be receiving a phone call, with your mentor introducing themselves. They are there to help with any questions you may have, to welcome you to the school and to pretty much guide you all year long. If you don't get a call soon, feel free to contact Susan Gilbertson at 201-876-0102 or firstname.lastname@example.org and we will make it happen.
Oreo the first grade Guinea pig is looking for a summer home!!
Elysian's School Play - We Are In a Show
Tomorrow - Tuesday, May 24th
We Are In A Show, starring 3-5 graders, will be performed at Mile Square Theater: 9:30 AM, 1:15 PM and 6:30 PM.
From the Lunchroom
THE LAST JUNE LUNCH MENU IS NOW READY FOR ORDER!
DEADLINE: MONDAY, MAY 30TH
As a new offering, we are now making box lunches available for order. THIS IS FOR TRIP PURCHASE ONLY!
Please make note of the following trips before you place your order:
6/6 - 6th & 7th grade trip - NO LUNCH
6/10 - 4th grade to Ellis Island - BOX LUNCH
6/14, 15, & 16 - 5th grade trip - NO LUNCH
6/14 - 3rd grade trip - BOX LUNCH
6/16 - 8th grade trip - NO LUNCH
6/16 - 1st grade trip - BOX LUNCH
Spring Fling 2016 is in the Record Books!
Thank you to Eileen O’Brien, Kim Demopoulus and Paul Demopoulus for organizing the Spring Fling for it would not have happened without you! Words used to describe it were “awesome”, “an amazing night” and “the best one yet”. Thank you also to the volunteers who stepped up and helped make the event such a success. Mona Sarafa, Alex Williams, Odalys Pla, Eduardo Gonzalez, Jennifer Nilsen, Maria Kaplun-Muller, Annie McAdams, Jackie Sanchez, Ted Mauseth, Victor Mauseth and Laurie Pistilli many thanks for your set-up, check-in, clean-up, photography, dismissal and chaperoning support! We appreciate everyone’s time and energy.
Thanks also to Deb Rosner for keeping us organized and of course, to Lauree Barnes and the PTSO, the sponsor of the event. If you haven't seen them yet, pictures of the event are on the school's Facebook page.
Save the Date: We have a tentative date for the school picnic for Wednesday evening, June 8th. Please mark your calendars and stay tuned for more information.
Join The “6th Annual Swing Fore The Schools”
Golf Outing and Fundraiser on THURS., June 2!
Deadline for players is Sunday, May 29!
On Thursday, June 2, 2016, golfers of all skill levels can help out Elysian and five other Hoboken schools by registering for the “6th Annual Swing Fore The Schools” Golf Outing and Fundraiser.
Last year, Elysian received more than $10,000 from the event. And this year, you can make a difference by spending a day on the award-winning golf courses at Crystal Springs Resort in Hardyston, NJ.
MORE ABOUT THE EVENT:
• 1:30 pm Shotgun Start! Registration opens @ 11 am. Lunch available @ 12 pm
• 36 Holes (Wild Turkey & Crystal Springs courses)
• Exciting contests, prizes and giveaways, including “Hole-in-One,” Closest to the Pin” and “Longest Drive” competitions
• Lunch and dinner included!
• Amazing Prize Raffle & 50/50 Cash Raffle
• Bus transportation available
TO REGISTER TO PLAY:
Player Deadline: Sunday, May 29
• Individual Golfer - $250
• Two Golfers - $500
• Three Golfers - $750
• Foursome - $950 - Best Value!
Then select “ECS” under “school affiliation.”
Sponsorship Deadline: Tomorrow! Tuesday, May 24
If you own a business, don’t miss out on this incredible promotion opportunity while supporting the diverse educational opportunities in our area! We hope that you join us in sponsoring what will surely be a spectacular event and a great way to help schoolsserving over 1,500 students. For all the details, go to www.swingforetheschools.com and click on "Sponsorships."
Thank you for your support!
Elysian’s First Ever eBay Store
The Elysian eBay Store has a dedicated email address to contact directly the “student team”: email@example.com when you have item/s in mind to donate.
We will first ask you to submit a photo and a description of your donated item/s to sell so we can evaluate the item/s to make sure they will sell well for us.
A “drop off”and also “pick up” arrangements will be provided. Please consider that the articles you wish to donate are not too heavy or large for us to ship.
Keep us in mind! You might just have $$$ sitting there that we can sell for you and your children at ECS. Proceeds from sales will also benefit Friends of Elysian Charter School (the school’s 501c(3)) so it is a win-win for all! More information will follow shortly. If you have any questions and/or already have items/s that you wish to donate, please contact the team right away at firstname.lastname@example.org
Give your items away … to Elysian eBay/ Let us make money $$ for our School
Friends of Elysian Charter School is recognized as a tax-exempt public charity under Section 501(c) (3) of the internal Revenue Code. Contributions are deductible to the extent allowed by law.
NO BRAINER MONEY MAKERS
All year long we have been advertising the No Brainer Money Makers. These regularly bring in money to the PTSO from places such as Amazon Smile and our box tops collection. The money collected goes back into the school. This year, for example, we purchased an additional 72 Chromebooks that were distributed through the grades. What a nice surprise when we opened our mail one morning last week and found a $5,000 check from Box Tops for Education. In conjunction with Shoprite, they give us money back for all of our community members who have registered with them and they also run a sweepstakes. We won two of the drawings for that sweepstakes, for a $5,000 total plus an additional $245 based upon our box tops collection.
After-School Homework Help - Last Session
After-School Homework Help will be extended as follows:
- Grades 7 and 8 will meet on Thursday, May 26.
ELYSIAN RUGBY NEWS
Elysian's elementary rugby team competed in an 8-team tournament on Sunday, May 15th at Chelsea Waterside Park in NYC. The team of 4th and 5th graders went undefeated on the day and took home the Cup Championship trophy! The theme of the rugby tournament was excellence and participants were asked to find examples Olympic athletes that best represented excellence both on and off the field. Participants then submitted written explanations describing their athlete of choice. 5th grader Lucas Sanchez was presented an award at the tournament for his work as a rugby player on the field and for his submitted written work. Great job Lucas!
Elysian's middle school rugby team competed in an 8-team tournament on Sunday, May 22nd at The Franklin K. Lane Educational Campus in Brooklyn, NY. The team of 6th, 7th and 8th graders played competitive rugby and took home the Platte Championship trophy! The team lost their first two matches of the day (both times by only 1 point), but never got down on themselves. They were able to finish off the day winning the rest of their matches. Teamwork was on full display for the Elysian middle school team. A special thanks to the parents of the middle school rugby team for their constant encouragement and their willingness to sit in so much traffic on a Sunday afternoon!
Our final three practices of the year will take place on May 24th, May 31st, and June 7th at 1600 Park from 3:00-3:45.
Also, Elysian's elementary and middle school teams will compete once again in the NYC Rugby Cup on Randall's Island on Saturday, June 11th. This tournament will host over 70 teams from throughout the NYC area.
Spring Track Info
- Track practices will take place at 1600 Park ave. in Hoboken, N.J. from 3:00 - 4: 00 PM on the following Wednesdays: (May 25th, June 1st)
- Students may be walked over to practice by an aftercare staff member or Coach Jason.
- Students who self dismiss from school may walk there on their own.
- Dismissal procedures from track practice will be based upon the registration form (indicated by the parent/ guardian). Students returning to aftercare will be walked back to the building by an aftercare staff member or the coach.
*** The track in Jersey City is currently under going renovations therefore, track meet dates are still to be determined.***
Information About Class Trips/ORGS ONLINE
Effective immediately, class trips that incur a fee of $25 or less can only be paid for BY CASH OR CHECK (payable to Elysian Charter School). We will NOT be posting trips with fees of $25.00 or under on ORGS ONLINE any longer. Many of you have expressed concern over the $4.00 surcharge when paying for trips online, so this will no longer be a factor when paying for those less costly trips. It will also make it easier for teachers to track trip payments and be less of a burden on parents to remember to log on to pay. When returning a permission slip to your child's teacher, please remember to attach the cash or check payment. Thank you.
Lost and Found
Please check out the large pile downstairs by our entrance.
Elysian Collects Box Tops and LABELS for Education Look for the container near Deb's desk in the office! Thank you!
Tuesday, May 24
- 3rd - 5th grade school play
- Rugby, 3 - 3:45, 1600 Park
Wednesday, May 25
- Track Practice 3:00 - 4:00 PM
- NJ ASK Science Test, grades 4 and 8
Friday, May 27
- Half Day of school, 12:30 dismissal. After school program available as usual
Monday, May 30
- Elysian closed for Memorial Day
Tuesday, May 31
- Rugby, 3 - 3:45, 1600 Park
Wednesday, June 1
- Track Practice, June 1, 3:00 - 4:00 PM
- NJ ASK grades 4 and 8 Science Make up Test
Friday, June 3
- 3rd/4th/5th Grade Spring Concert, 9:00 AM in the Elysian Gym
Wednesday, June 8
- Elysian Annual Picnic, Save the date, more info to follow
Friday, June 10
- Community Meeting in the Elysian Gym, 8:45 AM
Monday, June 13
- Board of Trustees Meeting, 7:00 PM
Thursday, June 16
Monday, June 20
- Field Day
- Half day of school, 12:30 dismissal
Tuesday, June 21
- Graduation, save the date, more info to follow
- Half day of school, 12:30 dismissal
Wednesday, June 22
- Last day of school, half day, 12:30 dismissal. No afterschool program today.
- Report Card Distribution. Report cards not picked up at dismissal will be mailed home.
1460 Garden Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Harry Laub, Ph.D., Director