Summer family gatherings present good opportunities to observe our families. How does your family work? Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? What part did your family play in that? Through years of clinical practice, Murray Bowen developed Family Systems Theory. He observed patterns in families which shaped behaviors. When a family member over functioned in the family, another member often under functioned. Bowen saw differences based on birth order, as well. Just as there are systems which function in nature, so families have systems. Bowen encouraged his students to learn all they could about their own families so that they could function at a higher level. When even one family member differentiates from the emotional chaos and becomes a self, other members of the family often step up as well. As a result, the family may function better.
Genesis shows us patterns in Abraham’s family. Favoritism ran in their family, for one thing. Isaac was chosen over his older brother Ishmael. In a world where primogeniture favored the first born with the larger inheritance and opportunity, God seemed to subvert it in this family. Isaac and Rebekah’s boys came into the world with vastly different appearances and personalities. Esau whose name means “red” came into the world hairy. But Jacob came into the world grasping his brother’s foot.
Isaac inclined toward his first-born son because Esau hunted and procured wild game. Jacob stayed around the tent. As a result, Genesis tells us that Isaac loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob. In every home, we may find more natural affinities with different members of the family. But favoritism leaves a bitter aftertaste. Sometimes, it happens so naturally that we are almost unaware of it. Other family members will see it, even if we don’t. I once asked a family member how it felt not to be the favorite when he was growing up. “Not very good,” he responded. Ask God to show you if you are showing favoritism to one member of the family over another. If God reveals favoritism, by all means, repent of it.
