Keeping Things Moving

Alex Moradians, AMFT

Spring Break Activities

Sam Zarate, ACSW

They say that changes are challenging for members of the neurodivergent community, but it would seem that most of us, (neurodivergent or not) have some struggles with changes. This is mostly because we don’t get to choose the ones we face. With this inevitable and common challenge in mind, it’s no surprise that seating charts—and their changes—are intentionally and thoughtfully approached at Cheerful Helpers.

I remember how seating charts were handled in my childhood. The "disciplinarian" teachers chose our seats and realizing cost-benefit of sneaking conversation wasn’t in our favor, we remained quiet (which neither guaranteed engagement nor curtailed escaping in daydream or doodle form). The optimistic “chill” teachers would let us choose our seats and eventually tire of the unmanageable chaos, moving us next to the kids who, like guards outside Buckingham, committed to suppressing instincts in honor of the rules. Aside from the latter teacher making change feel like a punishment, neither type dealt with the very real aspects of "people centered needs / choices" in social settings.

At Cheerful Helpers, socializing is neither punished nor stymied—it’s encouraged. We want kids to experience conflict and repair and fun and hurt and compromise just as much as we want them to learn to add. At the school where “nobody gets in trouble”, “class disruption” is a chance to help kids pause their impulses and stretch their patience. Kids are offered breaks if that’s what they’re needing and / or they are encouraged to make a plan to socialize at a later time. Bickering children aren’t separated or sent to a principal to sort out who gets a letter home. Instead, therapists step in to bridge the gap so that they can be present in class without unaddressed resentment brewing within. 

And as kids grow and change throughout the year, so do their dynamics and needs and capacities and tolerances for change. With social development in mind, we take these opportunities of growth to shake things up, change their seats, and give them new occasions to rise to—new neighbors to learn about, perhaps space from a kid it was getting too hard with, new social interactions to appreciate and tolerate, and, ultimately, a different angle of the room. New seats aren’t a punishment. They’re a chance for more exposure to change, its difficulties, and its eventual aftermath of normalcy.

So, when we notice that class dynamics have become too routine, too stale, or even too stuck, our team of clinicians and teachers confer thoughtfully and at length over what neighbor each child would benefit from so that we can continue to keep the class as safe, prosocial, engaging, and motivating as possible. 

It would be easy to mistake Cheerful Helpers as the most lenient, coddled place in the world. The truth, though, is that it is a place where children are nudged to dive head first into the difficult depths of tolerance, grief, sadness, anger, change and loss. I think of how easy it would be to lead as an authoritarian in the name of discipline, suppressing impulses through fear that surface later in some other form. I think of how easy it is to separate kids and avoid conflict or forgo stretching their tolerance because those important life lessons may slow down the Lesson Plan. I think of how easy it would be to lean into a peaceful status quo and let well enough alone—after all, the current seating chart is not causing any trouble. But, with life being unpredictably wrought with change and circumstance that call for the height of impulse control, tolerance and calm, we at Cheerful Helpers embrace opportunities that mimic the outside world because we want kids to be ready for it (even when it means doing one less language exercise or going over class time by a few minutes). 

All of this to say, your kid has a recent seat change and it’s probably been really hard. We’ll do that a few more times this year. You’re welcome.

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