Far too common

The following letter is the harrowing experience of far too many Christian wives — even if it were only a couple of Christian marriages, that’s too many. Please, completely read it in order to realize the severity of what Christ Quest Ministries is actively combating daily. I’ve purposely left it long to present a more complete, real-life example, of the depths of spiritual damage husbands can ignorantly cause (with basically no conviction at all) when they are unaware of their own, or their wife’s human spirit.

Here’s two more factors:

One, even in the face of the kind of emotional, spiritual destructive damage expressed herein, we’re watching marriages get healed as a result of the discipleship husbands are receiving wherein they are becoming literal examples of the Christ to their wife.

Two, that hopefully, if a wife recognizes she could have written this letter (even if she can only identify with portions of it) please believe me, he doesn’t see himself as a problem! And he won’t until she becomes motivated to get honest. Not that he’s the problem but that she longs to feel cared for as the Christ would. Hopefully again, he might pursue solutions through Christ Quest Ministries.

Still, our goal is that God’s biblical ways would become the main part of a husband’s character — more than him simply performing projects. As we disciple him to daily, situation by situation, apply God’s ways so that his thinking, acting, and talking will become more and more his Christ-like character.

With that goal in mind, (even if a husband has already been classified by today’s standards —as being a “normal Christian” husband) we’re not looking for a Christian husband to be a “normal-to-Christians” husband but a genuine, Christ-like spiritual leader. Imagine the outstanding testimony when a husband’s goal is to respond to all of his life’s situations and circumstances as the Christ would.

May I add, although this letter may sound exaggerated, it’s not! I’ve encountered thousands of wives who are facing variations of these same descriptive words. And too many wives believe it’s wrong and dishonoring to their husband if she seeks help for the grievances he’s causing by neglecting the care of her spirit. But please remember, Jesus said to His “bride” in Matthew 11:28 (AMPC), “Come to Me, all you (wives) who labor and are heavy-laden and (emotionally) overburdened, and I will cause you (your heart/spirit) to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]” (Parenthesis mine.) That’s the charge God demands every husband to be for his wife! (Yes, I know I inserted those words that apply to a wife. Is that wrong to believe they also apply to a wife?)

I hope I’ve prepared you for this. Here are her words in a letter to her husband:

“I've had a lot on my mind that I sometimes think about saying to you, but I also wonder if I should, and if it will be the least bit productive. But I'll be honest, I feel very angry. Like, why did you do this to me? Why did you treat me horribly for 23 years? Why did you never listen to me? I don't expect you to answer those questions, it's just things that come to mind when I contemplate how in the world I got to this point in my life. 

“It's too late for you and me. I can never love you again like I did before. I hate that you crushed me into dust on the ground and I tried my hardest to stop it, but my efforts didn't work. The thing I wanted most in life, to have a family, to be a mom and a wife in a happy family was stolen from me and crushed by you. Those are the things I cared about most. You made it so hard, and grievous. I spent so much time being overwhelmed. If there was ever anything that seemed good, I grasped at it with all my might and clung to it and hoped and prayed, but it never lasted. I thought I was doing my duty and doing the right thing to always try to work things out to be better, supporting you as best I could, I worked harder, tried harder to be brave, I tried to love you, forgive you time after time. You always managed to hurt me though. I didn't feel respected, or adored, or admired, or loved. I mainly felt that I was not good enough, that I was wrong about everything. That I had to hide what I really thought. I didn't feel loved for who I am. It also hurt me when you were cruel to our children, when you yelled at everybody, when you put my family down. You were grumpy all the time, getting mad at the slightest things. You ignored me, wouldn't talk to me, made me feel bad about myself. You have no idea how much I cried. And I felt like I had to hide it all. It was too embarrassing. And I thought I would be committing a sin to do anything but try to save the marriage. You made me feel that things were my fault that I finally realized weren't. I had to talk to people in secret so you wouldn't find out and get mad. You controlled me. Greatly. I couldn't even buy groceries for our family without you questioning me or getting mad. All you could do was tell me how I was doing a bad job at basically everything. I doubt if you can understand how I got to this point of needing to end the relationship. It really wasn't good for anyone in the family. Everyone was very stressed. I'm afraid that our children think that's normal. It's not!

“I know this is a lot to take in. I have actually been writing this email for almost a week, but in my mind for much, much longer. It’s filled with the reality I can no longer live with.”

The grief that this and too many other wives are going through is far too normal. It would not be the case if the husband were discipled and trained to become more and more Christ-like. We’re grateful that God has given us a message from His word that fixes all of that because! God’s ways work!

What I wish were common:

As proof, here’s two guys, Ben and Shannon, where it got bad enough that they were looking for solutions. And, since there’s no such thing as a quick-fix, they joined the Fellow Warriors a couple of years or so, ago. What I’m enjoying is that the smiles on their (and their wives) faces are genuine. They’re not acting. We want that same victory for every Christian marriage.

Happy Birthday

My birthday was November 19, 1936, (and yes there actually was a 1936). Man has that time gone by fast! Here’s a picture of my mom, Leta Mae, at 22 years of age, holding her baby boys, Lennie and Kenny, shortly after birth.

My understanding is that within a year she was suffering from some severe after-birth problems and couldn’t take care of us. So, I believe we were placed with what I think would be labeled today as foster-care. Here is a man holding us, but I do not know who he is.

The first orphanage (Maude Booth Home) that we were placed in was when we were around the age of three.

The second orphanage was when we were 9 years old named Leroy’s Boys Home, which in those days was run as a Christian home for boys.

We spent somewhere between 10 or 12 years in orphanages.

All that started 89 years ago, and now I’m excited and can hardly wait to be 90.

Oh yeah, I forgot to put this picture in last month’s newsletter where I shared about our 66th wedding anniversary on September 13th — that was the second most distinguished day in my life, the first being, when I accepted the Christ as my Savior.

It’s a picture of me in 1959 carrying my new bride, Nancy, over the threshold of our “new home” in the ghost town of Jerome, Arizona.

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God’s Protective-Uniform for me

Here’s a picturesque biblical allegory for great spiritual protection, found in Ephesians 6:13-15 (KJV). “13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;”

Fifty-some years ago I decided to read the Bible cover to cover. I did so each year — but I simply read the words. I didn’t have a clue about what was involved in “consuming the word” as Jesus spoke of in John 4:33-35 (AMP), “33 So the disciples said to one another, ‘Has anyone brought Him something to eat? 34 Jesus said to them, ‘My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to completely finish His work.’” 

Nor did I know I had a human spirit, nor that the Bible is a spiritual document prompted by the Holy Spirit’s prompting the spirits of men to write. Over the years, discovering those facts led me to learn how to spiritually feed upon that spiritual document and digest it spiritually. That allowed me to realized it’s God’s Manual (food) for Life — for me. And I discovered it had all the answers for life and would protect me as I journey through life.

Here's a paraphrase of how I personally utilize verses 13 through 15 for myself. “the word of God contains the whole, complete, spiritual armour of God, and therein enables me to be protected from and withstand the spiritual evil that I face every day. Then, having my loins (Greek osphus: procreative power — that is being able to reproduce and pass on the result of God’s word applied WITHIN myself — I’m enabled to procreate the spiritual Christ’s lifestyle within my own spirit, because I’ve made biblical application within my spirit of God’s armour. Which has enabled me to reproduce and pass it on to others. Then, by adding the breastplate, which is where God’s word protects my heart, my spirit. That protection is the result of His righteousness learned and adhered to. Also, my feet are shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace — God’s word when applied brings peace. The Bible — wherein I’ve procreated a new me, my “old-man” is being daily defeated. The more I learn of how to defeat it, the more my life will be illustrating a moment-by-moment, situation-by-situation, personal example of God’s Son, Jesus the Christ. Thus, because I’m wearing my biblical shoes as I travel through life, I can share the peace that’s derived from Christ-likeness — which I’ve gleaned from God’s word, the Bible. Then, God’s message prepared within me, allows me to meet life’s challenges as I’m traveling through life and sharing my victories with others derived from my experiences/examples — the path I’m walking will be living proof that God’s ways work.”  

My marriage will be proof of God’s ways applied as Nancy and I are one-in-spirit!

This same process is available to every Christian and that’s our goal. That every Christian would be a living example of the Christ.

Have I mentioned reading the Bible from cover to cover?

Our graduate level, Fellow Warriors classes are a purely biblical based discipleship ministry.

These are some of the different denominational members within our Fellow Warriors that we’ve had the privilege of working with; as Christ-likeness is non-denominational:

We would love to spread the message that Christ Quest Ministries shares and would love your help!

Are you on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and/or Substack? If you aren’t already, would you follow our accounts on these platforms? Then, we would greatly appreciate it if you would share the posts that minister to you on your personal accounts.  

Also, we are looking for those who could video record a short message of a testimony from the changes that have taken place in your life, as a result of our ministry, or a point that really ministered to you. We would like to add these to our social media for some real-life examples; inspiring others to join in on the blessing of the message God has given this ministry.