email : Webview : Cec Murphey's May Newsletter

Making Lists

Although Eva would never have admitted it, she consigned people either to her good list or her bad. She filled her positive category with people who never did anything wrong, regardless of their actions. On the bad side was everyone who had offended or failed her.

I worked with Ben, who had a similar list. For two years I remained in his good ledger. Through a misunderstanding (I'm not sure what it was), he purged me from the favored status. Three times I asked him to forgive me; he never replied. Two decades later, I assume I'm still on his bad list.

Above I've named two people, and I could mention others—especially those who have consigned me to their unfavorable group.

I can also point to myself as an example of someone with dual files. In my most charitable moments, I’ve accepted those individuals at face value; however, once they let me down, I cut myself off from them. Long after I became a serious Christian, that double directory remained.

Once I understood that God accepts me exactly as I am, gradual changes began inside me. God knows everything about me, I reminded myself, and still accepts and loves me.

I admitted that all of us, including Cec, have a dark side—call it a secret or hidden compartment—filled with cruel, evil, and judgmental attitudes. Despite our imperfections, we're still acceptable to God.

The more I examined my dark side and faced my critical attitude, the more I grasped the meaning of grace—receiving from God what I don't deserve—and the more I changed. Grace led me to the next step in my growth, accepting others' dark sides.

I still consign people to that bad ledger. Once aware of my attitude, I pray daily for them. Gradually those individuals slide back to the good list.

I still have a bad list.

But I can't remember any of their names.

Personal News

I did a 7-week writing marathon to complete a new book with Don Piper called The People I Met in Heaven. The publisher pushed us so they could release it in November of this year.
Father’s Day weekend (June 14–16), I’m scheduled to speak at the Midwest Men’s Conference in Chicago’s southside. I’ll speak on male childhood sexual abuse. This invitation grew out of my recently released book, More Than Surviving.
Twila calls it my “pretend retirement.” I’m still writing—but being highly selective. I’m no longer speaking at writers conferences and am becoming more involved in my local church. I prefer to call it my gradual retirement.