How are we doing with boundaries? “Good fences make good neighbors,” wrote Robert Frost in his poem The Mending Wall. Ancient Israel was given the boundary lines of their inheritance. Then each tribe was given a specific area with definite boundaries. (The Levites were not included in the distribution because the Lord was their inheritance. Instead, they had cities dispersed among the other tribes.) God forbids the Israelites to move an ancient boundary stone (Proverbs 22:28, 23:10, Deuteronomy 19:14).
What was the big deal about boundaries anyway. Things change, after all. Watching the destruction of Ukraine by Russian bombs reminds me that boundaries are important for safety and security. Children and adults should be able to know that the places they live are safe from the encroachment of others.
How are we doing with boundaries? Cloud and Townsend wrote an excellent book, years ago about setting good boundaries in our lives. Knowing when to say yes, and no, and differentiating ourselves from others is important. If we always agree with another person, we may have become subsumed in them, fused with them. This does not mean we shut other people out. It does mean for our own health we have to create enough space to breathe freely. It is healthy for us and others to set appropriate boundaries.
I read about a man whose neighbor brought his newspaper over every day from the driveway and then picked a few flowers from his flowerbed on the way out. He didn’t mention it, thinking it unimportant. Before long his neighbor was allowing her dog and children to run freely in his yard and leave juice boxes and trash in his yard. This can also happen to us emotionally. In my fifth decade of being a pastor now, I would observe that some people do better with this than others. Some show great respect for the boundaries of other’s lives. Other trample them. The person without boundaries may use and manipulate others without thinking about it. Boundaries? What boundaries? Robert Frost was right: Good fences make good neighbors.
