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At any age, coping with death is tough. Every individual uniquely processes death and grieving differently. When one individual is outwardly expressive over the loss of a loved one, another may internalize their feelings. Children are the same; although their current developmental stage and age may hint toward the need for a little more understanding and guidance. As death is perceived differently in each stage of a child's life, this piece will focus on how to speak to children about death, and what you may expect during the mourning and grieving periods in the preschool (ages 2-4) to early childhood (ages 4-7) years.

Between the preschool and early childhood years, children have a very literal perspective of the world. It’s always best to avoid abstract explanations and withdraw from using euphemisms when it comes to death. While euphemisms concerning death are easy for adults to understand, this is not the case with children. When explaining death to a child, What's Your Grief? (WYG) says that parents should never say “she’s in a better place”, “he kicked the bucket”, or “he’s sleeping forever.” With regard to the latter—he’s sleeping forever—WYG opines that because a child sleeps every night and is used to waking up in the morning, “you run the risk of them either believing the dead person will wake up, or making them terrified to ever fall asleep again (because they may not wake up).” Death is scary enough without adding more anxiety to your child's life. KidsHealth.org suggests that when a loved one dies, “you might explain that the person's body wasn't working anymore and the doctors couldn't fix it.” It’s really up to the parent to break the news to them in concrete, clear language without overstating the situation.

Customarily, some form of a funeral service occurs upon death. It's perfectly natural that you may be hesitant or question whether your child should be present at the funeral. The Dougy Center - The National Center for Grieving Children & Families indicates that in the interest of the children, it’s important that they do not feel left out when death occurs, and to give them the option of attending the funeral service. While children in the preschool may not be able to fully understand the situation and will unflinchingly agree to attend, you may get more resistance in the early childhood years. On the contrary, if your child decides not to attend, which they may later regret, they shouldn't be criticized for doing so. Emotions are at an all-time high at funerals, and quite often, parents will try to shield that emotion from their child. They should certainly be allowed to say goodbye in their own way. Kate Hilpern, in her article titled "Should Young Children go to Funerals?" relates that showcasing emotion is a "good thing because crying can help you feel better as a result of letting all the hard feelings out. By saying it’s OK for adults, it also gives permission for children to show emotion." Emotional expression at an early age, when compared to bottling up your feelings, is always a positive thing.