I remember watching and listening my friend with awe. I could not believe how natural and good he was at speaking in front of people and leading music. I remember conversing with another friend and being baffled with their knowledge of scripture. I remember seeing a video on social media of yet another friend and marveled at her creativity. I immediately started measuring myself against them saying to myself, “I’ll never be that creative, I’ll never be that eloquent or confident, and I’ll never be able to remember and know enough to be a ministry professional or a pastor. And, if I can’t be the best at what I do, then I can’t do it…people will only see a failure.” In that moment, I convinced myself that I could never be a pastor because I was not perfect at everything a pastor does. Instead of seeing three amazing and beloved friends who were serving God in their own way, I saw myself as not good enough to join them.
It took many years for me to see that what my friends were embodying with their gifts, there is no one way to be a pastor. Instead of seeing possibility, I saw a closed door filled with abusive, negative reasons why I had to choose a different path. I still have a hard time naming or admitting what I’m good at. I constantly struggle with admitting my strengths, thinking negative thoughts, and locking doors before I consider opening them.
In Colossians, Paul proclaims it is time to get rid of, or fast from, anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language from our mouths. It’s relatively easy for me to imagine fasting from such things for the sake of my neighbors. But what about fasting from such things out of love for myself?
Jesus Christ, this world’s Savior, liberates us from all that keeps us from loving God and loving our neighbors as ourselves. In fasting from those things that encourage or feed negative thoughts about ourselves, we are able to see the new self that is continually being renewed in the image of God. We are able to see ourselves not for the things we lack but as God’s holy and beloved children.
God adopts those who believe in Jesus Christ as Savior into God’s promises through the power of the Holy Spirit. The one being baptized is marked and sealed with the cross of Christ forever. Forever. One never stops being renewed in God’s image or worthy of compassion, kindness, and love.
I wonder, why do we spend so much time convincing ourselves that we are not worthy of love, should be doing more, or are too weak?
I wonder, if we fasted from abusive language that belittles ourselves, how would we feel? If we fasted from hurtful language that demeans the gifts God has given us, what could God show us about ourselves, the world, and even Godself?
