I was so wrong, and this misunderstanding of the nature of prayer had major consequences. As involved as I was at UP, I was constantly in a state of profound loneliness. When I limited God to tangible experiences of community, the silence of solitude became deafening. I had a deep fear of missing out and would go out of my way to avoid being alone with myself. The thought of seeking out “a lonely place” for prayer terrified me.
Thankfully, God has loved and worked on me, even when I didn’t realize it. In the past year particularly, I have rediscovered the deep intimacy of inviting the Lord into the stillness of my heart. I realize now that the Lord does not expect us to get by in this world by our own strength. He wants to be close to us, walk beside us, and work through us in this messy, broken world. I had my hands on the wheel and told Christ I’d ask Him for directions every now and then. Now I know that He wants me to rest in His arms while He carries me. Even Christ, as we see in this verse, took time away from healing others to be alone in prayer. Do I somehow think I need prayer any less than Christ did?
It’s still a journey, but I find myself much more comfortable when moments of solitude present themselves. I try to view these moments as Christ wanting me all to Himself for a bit, and I embrace the time to be still with Him through prayer. I have noticed my service to others has been more fruitful, my relationships have been more vibrant, and I am slowly overcoming the obstacles to loving God, myself, and others as I make time to seek out that “lonely place” with our Lord.
Reflection by Victor Amador ’17
See below for a prayer of St. Padre Pio that was also included in this reflection
