Both are brushes, however, there are differences. The first brush is a harsh, steel wire brush. Its task is accomplished as the person using it applies more aggressive, heavier pressure on the imperfections — reaching deeper by abrading those stubborn imperfections, wearing them down to the point that they are no longer a part of the problem as it becomes more polished — on its way to representing a finished product. Initially, the severity must be applied as it’s necessary for the product becoming more acceptable and prepared for the finer next phase.
At that point, the other “softer brush” can be used for following-up on the goal of accomplishing a finer product, due to the removal of the initial gnarly, imperfections — it has now been prepared for the finer attributes — the finer touches of the softer bristles.
I’m going to use this as an analogy about Christian marriages.
Let me build the case for what I see Scripture is revealing to me/us. I’ll also explain the characteristics of these two tools and why I’m relating them to God’s purposes in a marriage.
The wire brush.
Initially, I see the wife as God’s tool wherein He has designed her to be His Helper for her husband. That is, God has designed her to be the precisely needed instrument wherein God is going to point out to him, through his wife, his rough imperfections (which are his inability to understand how to care for her spirit, which is proof of his un-Christ-like character), along with his male-abrasive imperfections.
Those negative effects he’s having on her spirit, because of his rough male-imperfections, are due to his lack of Christ-likeness. Then as a result of God’s Helper exposing, so as to get rid of, those spiritual imperfections, he will be enabled to become more and more Christ-like. She has absolutely no choice concerning the effects God has designed her husband to have upon her. Spiritually or physically! That’s exactly how God has designed her capacity as His Helper (a wife), to assist Him/him at perfecting the product of a husband being the SPIRITual leader God requires him to be.
And may I mention that I’ve heard all the arguments and rationalizations men cite against that truth? But there’s a stronger, superior example in Hosea 4:12-14, therein God holds the husband and the “spiritual” leaders totally responsible for a wife’s physical and spiritual condition!
When God created the new institution labeled marriage, He also identified the major occupation for the “wife” when He gave her the role of HELPER, He designed (the formerly titled woman — who possesses a brand-new title and category — wife. Her new category of “wife” means she will be seriously affected by her husband! God says, “Her desires — (her cravings, for value and acceptance) shall be (and when God says they ‘shall be’ there is no alternative), unto her husband.” (Parenthesis and embolden mine.)
Here are some verses that God’s Word uses to present His perspective about the need for the “cleaning-up-the-husband project”.
First, let me address God’s perspective about every husband.
“All the ways of a man (a husband) are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigheth the (their) spirits (through the help of his wife).” (Proverbs 16:2, KJV) *
“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man (a husband about marriage), but the end (of his ways) thereof are the ways of death. (to a marriage)” (Proverbs 14:12, KJV) *
“The (natural) way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he (a husband) that hearkeneth unto (a wife’s) counsel is wise.” (Proverbs 12:15, KJV) *
“In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man (including husbands) did that which was right in his own eyes.” (Judges 17:6, KJV) *
“So ought men (husbands) to love their wives as their own bodies. He (a husband) that loveth his wife loveth himself.” (Ephesians 5:28, KJV) *
In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent (godly) regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective. (I Peter 3:7, AMP) *
(*All verse parenthesis and embolden are mine.)
These are mere samplings of the verses where God reveals His understanding of us men/husbands. Our imperfections, our normal-to-man; husband characteristics; our flawed sin-nature; our lack of understanding ours, or our wife’s, human spirit — un-Christ-likeness.
Hopefully, to keep with the metaphor of different brushes being characteristic of a marriage, I’m going to label a husband’s sin nature and his “imperfections” that which need to be removed, cleaned up and refined.
Since my metaphor is using two brushes to express the duties of a wife that are to initiate God’s principles in a marriage. Let’s focus first on the wife.
Here are God’s words about his purpose for a wife.
Then Adonai Elohim said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. Let Me make a well-matched (with God goals for a husband — helper) for him.” (Genesis 2:18, TLV)
Doesn’t it seem strange that while Adam is fellowshipping with God (Who is Spirit), and God is there with him, God is talking about Adam being alone. It’s because a wife is designed by God to be her husband’s counterpart.
The dictionaries definition of counterpart:
One of two parts that fit and complete each other. May I ask, “Is it a part of God’s design that a husband is incomplete without seeing his wife as God’s/his helper? So, what constitutes complete?
The Paint Brush
To continue the analogy: When her husband is initially willing to accept God’s purpose for a wife — that she is His Helper — to prioritize focusing on his imperfections. When that’s the case, he has graduated from needing her to fulfill the wire brush role and can switch to operating in the finishing brush role.
I’ve not seen a church require or stipulate anything about a husband being, as God commands them to be, a living example of the Christ to his wife. Neither do they recognize her being God’s Helper for her husband in this way. So, pointing out her husband’s insensitivity, his un-Christ-likeness, his sin nature, is experienced by her husband as a steel wire brush.
Let’s call the following verses clarification for God occupationally naming a wife, Helper. First, we need to clarify this Helper. And men admitting that they do not understand the mind of a woman, as God commands us to do, is a major job to be undertaken!
The wife being used as her husband’s Helper — being that she is God’s Helper. As such, God has created her to be affected by her husband’s un-Christ-likeness (which includes understanding a wife’s mind as well as the Christ does) by creating in her a sensitivity that is negatively affected by her husband’s insensitive, un-Christ-likeness.
The being He created, and re-classified as more than singularly a woman, but additionally — a wife — whom God identified as His Helper, for her husband, that she will observe, experience, and be affected by his un-Christ-likeness. She’s been designed by God to be negatively affected by her husband’s un-Christ-likeness. The Ancient Hebrew Paleo letters for the word “helper” is “ezer”. It expresses that she is “The revealer of his enemy: his sin nature.”
For the proof of God’s Word validating that truth, read pages 234 and 235 in the book, Discovering the Narrow Gate.
