Man 1: Hey, bro?
Man 2: Yeah, bro?
Man 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Man 2: Brochure.
Doctor: I’m just waiting for your X-ray.
Patient: But doctor, I’ve never dated anyone called Ray.
Doctor: And we might just do a brain scan.
HR representative: Can we contact your previous employer to make sure you’re a good fit for our company?
Job applicant: Sure! As long as I can ask your previous employees why they quit.
I accidentally got some body spray in my mouth today. Now everybody says I talk with an Axe scent.
Where do bad rainbows go? To prism. It’s a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.
Many people think the grass is greener somewhere else. But the grass is green where you water it.
I finally know why they call me a grown-up. I groan every time I get up.
The inventor of autocorrect died. The funnel will be held tomato.
Two silkworms were in a race. It ended in a tie.
The Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery.
Family generations successively having fewer and fewer children is called a receding heirline.
I’m not short, I’m just more down-to-earth than most people.
I don’t mean to brag, but I completed a jig-saw puzzle in one day, and the box said, “2 to 4 years”.
The first time I used an elevator it was an uplifting experience. The second time it let me down.
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things getting into your eyes. But whenever I have something in my eye, it’s an eyelash. Eye-ronic, isn’t it?
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