I met Ken Nair in January 2021 through a book my wife handed me called Discovering the Mind of a Woman. We were in year four of a bad stretch in our then-13-year marriage. Some of her complaints were, "You don't listen", "It's always about you", "Your anger toward me is killing my soul!", and "I don't like you and I can't stand being with you." We were surely headed towards divorce, but our covenant to God kept that from happening.

I devoured Discovering the Mind of a Woman. I counseled by Zoom with Ken for about a year. My wife noticed some change...small but not consistent, still she was gaining hope. In 2023, I entered a year-long Christ-Quest Institute group with Ken and a dozen or more men where we met bi-weekly on Zoom.

What they said about their wives and marriages echoed much of my experience. I did the Bible study homework required for the lesson and attended the live Zoom group meetings with Ken religiously, making it such a priority that I Zoomed via phone with the group while I was away and on vacation. Cynthia supported this level of involvement – she felt she had much to gain.

After graduating from CQI, I signed-up for another two-years. Along with having us meet regularly on the CQI Zoom classes, they provide a solid foundation of Bible study at a graduate level that produced changes as I applied them.

Some of the lessons I’m learning:

I was inclined to think that in my marriage, my wife was my enemy. Whereas it turned out, I was my own enemy. I am recognizing this today and dropping my excuses, blame-shifting, arguments, and poisonous pride.

To strengthen my spirit's self-control over the power of my flesh and my natural thinking.

I am learning to control my frustration, anger, and the need to control my mouth.

To get better at reading my wife's heart, her spirit, listening to her heart, her spirit, regardless of how long she needs to express it. Also gaining the ability to engage my wife on a spirit-to-spirit level of understanding.

The more I surrender my will to the Christ, the more we experience great joy, understanding, and contentment in our marriage.

Jim Leman,
Round Lake, Illinois

I’ve got a couple of questions for husbands:

What are the top three questions that you had as a husband before you read the book Discovering the Mind of a Womanand became a member of the Christ Quest Institute?

Next, have we provided you with answers to your question(s)?

If you could email your three questions and the answers that we provided you to ken@christquestministries.com

Could I also get you to send your testimony concerning what those answers did for you? I want to see how many other men are looking for those same kind of answers as you had and as a result of your answers, would see the importance of enrolling in the CQI classes to receive answers to their questions.

Last month I shared with you about how I put a cage around a peach tree that I planted and told you that I would give you the rest of the story in this month’s update.

Well, the peach tree cage turned out to be a perfect chicken pen too. So, we have two chickens who give us two eggs a day. Now with this new pen, they have a perch to go in at night on the left and a nesting area for laying eggs on the right.

You can’t be spiritually mature and remain emotionally dysfunctional.

Chuck Norris is our example of being familiar with emotions — so why isn’t that a sufficient example for all men?

Although, if we’re going to become proficient with emotional language, I do recommend that we expand our emotional vocabulary to a far greater degree. 

Having served in the Navy, I went through military Bootcamp. However, as a Christian, I discovered that earth is Bootcamp for Eternity.

My 6 Heart Renewals

The first one… was when I was conceived.

In 2014, science took a picture of what happens when the human sperm enters the human egg — a flash takes place.

The scientists called it a zinc light. They can call it whatever they want, but I know Who Light is. That Light is God (Check out I John 1:5) and that's because He’s placing a human spirit within that new being.

In Genesis 2:7, God also gave a descriptive name to that combination event and that descriptive name is a living soul. So, since that happened to me at that point I became a male with a brand-new heart, and a brand-new spirit! 

Let me describe what took place the second time I got a new heart. I’m an identical twin. My brother and I started life as one person, but my brother Lennie and I split and became two people. I got my own heart, and he got his. 

Let me describe how unique being an identical twin is by telling you of an actual event. While my wife Nancy and I were newly married, one morning while I was sleeping, I had a dream. It was about my brother Lennie, who was driving his brand new 1959 Ford Skyliner down from Big Bear Mountain in California.

Our friend Joe was with him when they had an accident. Next in my dream, Lennie was at the sheriff’s station calling me to come to pick him and Joe up. At that second, my phone which was sitting next to my bed rang, waking me up.

It was Lennie calling me from the sheriff’s station because he and Joe had an accident in his brand new 1959 Ford Skyliner while coming down from Big Bear Mountain. That’s only one of many such events.

My third new heart took place when I accepted Jesus, the Christ, as my Savior. That’s regarded as: being “born again”. That’s when my new heart, my spirit, was set on the journey to Christ-likeness — to develop a new heart that’s loving and caring.

My fourth new heart was when I discovered the difference between my physical, human heart and my spiritual, emotionally functional, human spirit/heart. That would involve me becoming more and more emotionally functional. Having devoted myself, my heart (my spirit), I’m able to emotionally identify with the hearts/spirits of my wife Nancy, my daughters Denise, Kristy and Sarah along with their husbands. Then with all my grandkids and great grandkids, because everyone has a heart (a spirit) and needs to learn God’s purposes for creating every emotion. As well as to recognize each emotion that originates within their spirit.

My latest new heart… the fifth… was last July 13th, 2022, when my heart’s aorta valve was replaced through the TAVR process.

I have one more new heart, number six to come. That’ll be when I’m resurrected to be with my Savior, Jesus, the Son of God and God. I’ll be a new, resurrected man with my last new heart.

But I’m in my 88th year, which means I’ve got to wait for another 32 years or so before I get my last new heart. When I’m there getting my new heart, I hope I’ll see you there too.

P.S. I just had a procedure where two arteries, that were 95% and 90% clogged, cleaned and stents put in. I have one more artery that is 99.99% clogged to be cleaned & stents put in which will take place in a few weeks. Since I say God has a lesson in everything, I thought I’d mention the lesson in this: Just like when a car gets a large number of miles on it, it needs to have the “plugs” changed so it can put more on mileage on. Because of the many miles on this engine (me), I needed to have my “plugs” changed so I can put more mileage on me.

Thank you so much to those who have been praying for me!