Jesus calls us to repent over and over in the Gospels; as with the disciples, so it is also with us—it isn’t enough to hear it just once, we need to hear it again and again.
This is because repenting—feeling and expressing remorse, and working to speak and act differently going forward—is hard, painful work. It is so much easier to point the finger at other people, self-justify, gaslight and make excuses. It is hard to take responsibility for our actions, hard to face the truth about the worst parts of ourselves—let alone admit it to God and to others.
I am a fan of Inspector Gamache, the main character in Louise Penny’s mystery series. He is honest, upright, mature, and very self-aware. And, at some point in most of the novels, he shares one of his key pieces of wisdom, the importance of saying the following four brief sentences: “I’m sorry,” “I don’t know,” “I was wrong,” “I need help.”
These four sentences are four of the hardest sentences in the English language to speak—not because of any linguistic or grammatical difficulty, but because they require vulnerability and humility. As I was reflecting on repentance, and what it looks like to make it an ongoing practice, rather than just a one-off, temporary action, these four sentences came to mind. They are a good starting point for opening oneself up to the discipline of self-reflection and penitence, and the disposition of learning, openness and growth. Even though it is hard, God can be trusted with our vulnerability; each and every time we turn to God, God receives with us with grace and mercy.
Divine Protector, we thank you that you do not stand far off, keeping score of our faults. You observe us as a loving parent, anxious to prevent us from going astray and assisting us in learning the better way. Your desire is to deliver us from evil and place our feet upon the better path. Loving God, we praise you for your nurturing love. Amen. [From the Moravian Daily Prayer cycle last week]
