Padnos/Sarosik
Center for Civil Discourse

Better Conversations, Stronger Communities

May Newsletter
2026

Message from the Director

Utopia lies at the horizon. When I draw nearer by two steps, it retreats two steps. If I proceed ten steps forward, it swiftly slips ten steps ahead. No matter how far I go, I can never reach it. What, then, is the purpose of utopia? It is to cause us to advance.
― Eduardo Galeano

Dear Friends of the Center for Civil Discourse,

Recently, I met someone who was skeptical of civil discourse. “Can civil discourse really help lower the temperature of conversations in this heated national moment?” they asked. “How realistic is ‘bridging divides’ when many do not agree on basic facts? And what if the other person really is being unreasonable and is not receptive to the idea of civil discourse?”

These are serious questions without easy answers. Perhaps, though, there are paths forward. I personally believe there are, and I often write about these paths in this newsletter—strategies, frameworks, and principles of civil discourse that can help unstick a messy conversation.

Today, I consider those honest times when there is no clear civil discourse path. The conversation really is stuck. What then?

A few reflections...

Breathe. Move your body as you are able. Physically discharge the stress and tension of the tangled communication. Ground yourself in things that calm you, especially sensory-based things. When the body settles, the brain is likely to follow. Releasing physical tension frees people to be in choice. This phrase, “to be in choice” refers to one’s capacity to stay emotionally regulated and intentional with one’s words and actions.

Emotionally flooded people struggle to be in choice. It is hard to think clearly when upset. Yet “being in choice” is one way to get unstuck. The conversation itself might not unfold differently, but one’s internal experience of the conversation can shift. This internal shift can help people feel more settled, think more clearly, and act with more intention.

Being in choice does not guarantee that a conversation will go the way one hopes; it can, though, inspire each of us to be our best selves. The horizon may be ever distant, but each of our conversations can be an intentional step towards its promise.

Wishing you peace and wellness,

Lisa

Meet the New Civil Discourse Faculty Fellow

We are excited to announce Dan Cope as the new Padnos/Sarosik Civil Discourse Faculty Fellow! Dan is an Affiliate Faculty member in the School of Interdisciplinary Studies in Brooks College who has extensive experience with civic engagement, ideologically balanced communication, and student-centered teaching.

As the Faculty Fellow, Dan will be the lead ambassador of civil discourse for the Center. Dan was selected through a competitive application process for this esteemed two-year post. Her strong vision for advancing constructive and productive dialogue instead of debate; unifying people during divisive times; and supporting each person's right to be heard made her application stand out among many.

Dan reflects:

I am deeply honored to serve as the sixth Padnos/Sarosik Civil Discourse Faculty Fellow and the first affiliate professor to hold this position! In a time when politically-motivated violence is on the rise, we must consider what Dr. King calls a creative "revolution of values." Democracy, inclusivity, and care are not new ideas, but this moment requires us to renew our commitment to them. I am energized by the work to be done and grateful for the opportunity to do so with the support of the Center for Civil Discourse!

The civil discourse team looks forward to learning from Dan and being inspired by her passion. Welcome to the team, Dan!

Conversation Corner

What questions do you have about having challenging conversations?

QUESTION

How can I use civil discourse when talking to someone who is emotionally reactive?

RESPONSE

Thank you for your question.

Strong emotion can be part of a constructive and productive conversation, especially if the emotion is an authentic expression of one's experience. But when the emotion overwhelms someone's capacity to make thoughtful, intentional choices (when someone feels emotionally flooded or dysregulated), it can be more difficult to engage constructively.

Each person in a conversation is responsible for their speaking and listening. In situations of intense emotion, it is important to keep in mind that the other person's emotions are theirs and not anything for you to try and "calm down."

At the same time, there are things people can do to invite their conversation partner to regain emotional balance.

People tend to follow the lead of their conversation partner. If you use a softer voice, chances are that the other person will lower their volume. If you respond to an inflammatory remark with a question of genuine curiosity, not only do you communicate an interest in the other person's experience, you invite the other person to then ask you a curious question. Phrasing like: "I can hear that this issue is important to you. Would you be willing to tell me more about why you care about this issue?" invites a story rather than a defensive explanation of a position.

Stories humanize a conversation.

When someone is emotionally reactive, deeps breaths can also help. It is often helpful to pause the intensity of the conversation with a deep breath. One person taking a deep breath invites the other person to take a deep breath, and this deep breath slows and softens the surge of emotion.

The emotion itself is not problematic. How we handle and communicate our emotion is what matters in a conversation.

We look forward to your next question!

The Civil Discourse Team

Submit your anonymous question here

Are you wondering how to hold true to your own values yet remain open to another's differing values? Or perhaps you seek concrete strategies for keeping conversations constructive and productive. Let us know what you are curious about. Responses to questions will appear in the following month's newsletter.

Civil Discourse on the Road

As a non-partisan campus and community resource, the Center for Civil Discourse partners with a range of people and organizations. Recently, the Center traveled north to Fremont in Newaygo County and then made our way to Traverse City!

IN FREMONT...

Dr. Greg Warsen (member of the Center's Advisory Council) and Dr. Lisa Perhamus were honored to be invited back to the Fremont Area Community Foundation (FACF) to facilitate a training with Foundation staff at the

end of April. Two weeks later, we returned to offer civil discourse training to community residents of Fremont, an experience sponsored by the FACF.

Together, we talked about how civil discourse principles, skills, and strategies can help lower the temperature of heated conversations and interrupt current trends of polarization. People reflected on some of Fremont's distinct needs as a rural community and the ways that civil discourse can strengthen social bonds and community ties.

IN TRAVERSE CITY...

Dr. Sarah Cox (member of the Center's Civil Discourse Network) and Dr. Lisa Perhamus were excited to spend time with students from Grand Valley's College of Health Professions in Traverse City. We grappled with serious and nuanced questions about the kinds of difficult and sensitive conversations health care workers need to have with patients, families, and peers.

We thank Sam Purifoy for coordinating the training and all of the GV Traverse City students and staff who helped to make the day a positive experience.

Interested in a Workshop?

The Center offers one-time workshops, extended trainings, and group facilitations for the GVSU community and surrounding area. We work with a variety of organizations and groups and tailor each experience to your organization's particular interests and needs.

What you can expect:

~ Personalized experience.

~ Tailored sessions for your unique goals.

~ Information anchored in research.

~ Interactive sessions for optimal learning.

Need more information? Reach out to us today at civildiscourse@gvsu.edu or (616)331-8044.

Summer Interests

What kinds of things do you appreciate about the summer? What do you enjoy when you are not working?

In her spare time, our Center director enjoys hiking and being outdoors. She is currently preparing for a backpacking trip along the southern shoreline of Lake Superior.

You might also find Lisa in one of her gardens. Early blossoms are bringing splashes of color and showing signs of a promising growing season this year!

We are interested in the kinds of things you value about the summer and the types of things you enjoy doing in your spare time. We invite you to send us your photos and stories. We'd love to hear from you!

Civildiscourse@gvsu.edu

Check out our resources for bridge-building and engaging in conversations across difference. Have a resource to share? Let us know what we could add to the list!

RESOURCES