Elysian Charter School of Hoboken
Elysian Charter School of Hoboken
Harry Laub, Ph.D., Director
Elysian Charter School
Weekly Newsletter

A Positively Different Public School

January 8, 2018                  Vol. 13  Issue 17
The school newsletter is sent out on Mondays.  When there is a holiday, the newsletter is sent the following day. 

Please note:  Send news to deb.rosner@ecsnj.org by 9:00 AM on Mondays.
Harry's Corner 
This article first appeared on Childmind.org, a blog of the Child Mind Institute on January 2, 2018
Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It
How to help kids find honest alternatives to bending the truth
Beth Arky
Call them fibs, whoppers or straight-up untruths: However you label them, kids are likely to lie somewhere along the way. While a younger child may conjure up an elaborate tale about how she couldn’t possibly have kicked a younger sibling, older kids may flat-out lie about doing their homework.
Sometimes the onset of lying is sudden and intense, reports Matthew Rouse, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “It’s a new thing where they were pretty truthful most of the time before and then suddenly they’re lying about a lot of stuff,” he says. This, of course, is concerning to parents. But if caregivers can understand why kids lie and be prepared to deal with the issue, the truth can come out.
Why kids lie
 Most parents think children lie to get something they want, avoid a consequence or get out of something they don’t want to do. These are common motivations, but there are also some less obvious reasons why kids might not tell the truth — or at least the whole truth.
To test out a new behavior
Dr. Rouse says one reason children lie is because they’ve discovered this novel idea and are trying it out, just as they do with most kinds of behaviors, to see what happens. “They’ll wonder, what happens if I lie about this situation?” he says. “What will it do for me? What does it get me out of? What does it get me?’”
To enhance self-esteem and gain approval
Children who lack confidence may tell grandiose lies to make themselves seem more impressive, special or talented to inflate their self-esteem and make themselves look good in the eyes of others.  Dr. Rouse recalls treating an eighth-grader who was exaggerating wildly about 80 percent of the time: “They were kind of incredible experiences that weren’t within the bounds of plausible at all.” For instance, the boy would say he’d gone to a party and everyone had started to chant for him when he came in the door.
To get the focus off themselves
Children with anxiety or depression might lie about their symptoms to get the spotlight off them, Dr. Rouse notes. Or they might minimize their issues, saying something like “No, no I slept fine last night” because they don’t want people worrying about them.
Speaking before they think
Dr. Carol Brady, PhD, a clinical psychologist and regular columnist for ADDitude magazine who works with a lot of kids with ADHD, says they may lie out of impulsivity. “One of the hallmarks of the impulsive type of ADHD is to talk before they think,” she says, “so a lot of times you’re going to get this lying issue.”
Sometimes kids can really believe they’ve done something and tell what sounds like a lie, Dr. Brady adds. “Sometimes they’ll really just forget. I have kids who say, ‘To tell you the truth, Dr. Brady, I thought I did my homework. I really thought I did. I didn’t remember I had that extra work.’” When this happens, she says, they need help supplementing their memory by using techniques such as checklists, time limits and organizers.
And then there are white lies
Just to make things even trickier, in certain situations parents might actually encourage children to tell a white lie in order to spare someone’s feelings. In this case, the white lie and when to use it fall under the umbrella of social skills.
What parents can do about lying
Both Dr. Rouse and Dr. Brady say it’s first important to think about the function of the lie. “When I’m doing an evaluation, there are questions on our intake forms where parents can check off whether the child lies,” Dr. Rouse says. “It’s something I might spend 20 minutes delving into. What kinds of lies, what are the circumstances of the lies?” He says behavioral treatments depend on the function of the lies and the severity of the problem. “There are no hard and fast guidelines,” he says. “Different levels mean different repercussions.”
Level 1 lie
When it comes to attention-seeking lying, Dr. Rouse says that, generally speaking, it’s best to ignore it. Rather than saying harshly, “That’s a lie. I know that didn’t happen to you,” he suggests a gentle approach where parents don’t necessarily have a consequence but they’re also not trying to feed it a lot of attention.
This is especially true if the lying is coming from place of low self-esteem. “So if they’re saying, ‘I scored 10 goals today at recess in soccer and everybody put me on their shoulders and it was amazing’ and you think it’s not true, then I would say don’t ask a bunch of follow-up questions.” For these kind of low-level lies that aren’t really hurting anyone but aren’t good behavior, ignoring and redirecting to something that you know is more factual is the way to go.
Level 2 lie
If that doesn’t work, Dr. Rouse says, parents can be more transparent about it by offering a mild reprimand. “I’ve had situations where it’s an inflated kind of fantastical type of lie,” he says. “I’ll have parents label it and call it a tall tale. If the child is telling one of these stories, a parent will gently say, ‘Hey, this sounds like a tall tale, why don’t you try again and tell me what really happened?’ ” It’s about pointing out the behavior and encouraging kids to try again.
Level 3 lie
If something is more serious, like older kids lying about where they’ve been or whether they’ve done their homework, parents can think about having a consequence. Kids should be clear that there will be repercussions for this kind of lie, so it’s not coming out of the blue. Like all consequences, Dr. Rouse recommends it should be something short-lived, not overblown, which gives the child a chance to get back to practicing better behaviors. Some examples: losing her phone for an hour or having to do a chore
Also, depending on the severity, there also has to be a component of addressing what they were lying about. If a child has said he didn’t have any homework all week and then the parent finds out he had homework every day, there needs to be some kind of consequence for the lying and he also has to sit down and do all the work. If he’s hit another child and lied about it, there’s a consequence for the lying and also for hitting. In this case, Dr. Rouse says, you would also have him write an apology letter to the other child.
Ways to help your kids avoid lying in the first place
Let them know that truth reduces consequences
For instance, if teens have been drinking at a party, the parent will want them to call to be picked up. But kids know there also has to be a consequence for the drinking. “There’s a hard balance to strike between having the open dialogue but also setting appropriate limits when necessary,” Dr. Rouse says.
In this situation, where lying would have been easier, when parents are doling out the consequence they can also praise the child for telling the truth and tell them it makes them more trustworthy. They might also reduce the consequence, such as letting kids know they’re taking their phone away for a day instead of a week.
Dr. Rouse adds one caveat: Children and teens should not think consequences are negotiable. “Sometimes the kid will say, ‘But I told you the truth,’” he says. “They’ll get manipulative, saying, ‘This is just making me want to never tell the truth again.’” Parents shouldn’t give in at that point.
Use truth checks
Let’s say parents have been told by a teacher their child didn’t do her homework. Dr. Brady suggests that they give their kid a chance to tell the truth. If she doesn’t at first, the parents could say, “I’m going to walk away and give you 10 minutes and then I’m going to come back and ask you again. If you change your mind and want to give me a different answer, it’s just a truth check and you won’t get in trouble.”
This way, if a child gives an off-the-cuff answer because she’s scared of consequences or she doesn’t want to disappoint a parent, she has the chance to really think about whether she wants to lie or fess up without the consequences. Dr. Brady notes that this technique isn’t for a child who chronically lies.
Use the preamble method
Parents can also set up kids to tell the truth by reminding them that they don’t expect perfection, Dr. Brady notes. Parents could say, “I’m going to ask you a question and maybe you’re going to tell me something I don’t really want to hear. But remember, your behavior is not who you are. I love you know matter what, and sometimes people make mistakes. So I want you to think about giving me an honest answer.” Giving kids a chance to reflect on this may lead to them telling the truth.
Give kids with ADHD more time to think
Dr. Brady says kids with ADHD, who are prone to giving impulsive answers that come out as lies, need some extra time to think things through before speaking. Impulsivity can be a problem both at home and in school, when a teacher asks if a child has finished an assignment and the child answers yes without even looking at his paper. That’s when he needs to be taught to slow down and check his work.
What parents shouldn’t do
Don’t corner your child
Putting a child on the spot can set him up to lie. If parents know the true story, Dr. Brady recommends, they should go right to the issue and discuss it. Instead of asking a child if he didn’t do his homework a parent could just say, “I know you didn’t do it. Let’s talk about why that’s not a good idea.”
Don’t label your child a liar
It’s a big mistake to call a child a liar, Dr Brady argues. The wound it creates is bigger than dealing with what he lied about in the first place. He thinks, “Mom won’t believe me.” It makes him feel bad about himself and may set up a pattern of lying.
Beth Arky is a Brooklyn-based freelance writer and editor covering parenting, health and children's learning and developmental issues, including autism.
Google Hangouts
Dear Parents, 
A number of children have been using Google Hangouts (formerly known as Google Chat or g-chat) to communicate with other students.  Because we do not use this educationally, and because some of the messaging has been inappropriate, we have turned this off. Students can no longer use Google Hangouts on the Elysian system for chatting or video. 
It should be noted that our system is “closed.”  Students can only communicate with other students and teachers on our system and not with outsiders.  This is, of course, a safety feature.  However, there are a plethora of opportunities to use home systems for  outside communication.  As always, we recommend that children’s use of social media be monitored at home.
Harry Laub

Come see the Middle School Musical, School House Rock Live!, JR.  Tuesday, January 9th at 6:30 PM.  Mile Square Theater.
This Week's Basketball Practices
Grade 3: Tuesdays: 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM
Grade 4: Green Team: Wednesdays: 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM
Grade 4: White Team: Fridays: 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM
Grade 5: Fridays: 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM
Grade 6: Mondays: 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM  (Including Intramural Game)
Grade 7: Thursdays: 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM
Grade 8: Thursdays: 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM
Girls 6-8: Wednesdays: 5:00 PM to 6:00 PM
Children waiting for a practice to begin will be able to attend Aftercare at no cost.  Any child attending Aftercare must start right at the end of the school day.  Children may not leave the school building and then return.
***Games will be listed in the calendar below***
Last Chance To Apply For Sibling-Kindergarten 2018-2019
Our lottery will be held on Jan. 17th.  We are now assessing how many kindergarten spots are available for the community.  Current Elysian siblings do get preference, but families also have a deadline of Jan. 12th to notify us of a request for a sibling Kindergarten spot.  

Emails were sent out confirming receipt of applications. If you have not yet notified us, please don't hesitate to do so now.  Contact Susan.Gilbertson@ecsnj.org in the office immediately.
Friends of Elysian  

Fit Foundry Fundraiser

Join us Wednesday evening, January 24, for a winter workout social. Engage your muscles and socialize with fellow Elysian supporters during a fun workout led by the experts at Fit Foundry.

The event is open to anyone who wishes to support Elysian, so please invite your friends!

Date: Wednesday, January 24
Time: 8:00 PM
Location: Fit Foundry, 1416 Willow Avenue (above Battaglia’s)
Price: $20

Fit Foundry offers large group team training, small group personalized training, 1-on-1 private training and specialty yoga, in a unique modern industrial setting. All just two blocks away from Elysian.

Thank you to Fit Foundry and Sarah and Dave Quevedo for donating their space and time in support of Elysian.


Chili Cook-Off Thank Yous - Thank you to everyone who braved the cold and came out to have a great night with us at the Chili Cook-Off! 
Congratulations to:
Judges’ #1 winner: Jason Moss
Judges’ #2 winner: Ann Murphy

Judges’ #3 winner: Michael Granit

People’s Choice winner: Matt Kirk

Unique Chili winner: Sara Green

Most Inventive winner: Brian Facquet
Lots of thank yous:
A big, big thank you to John Avoletta of Johnny Pepperoni and City Bistro who was our
celebrity judge, and generously provided the prizes for our chili winners!
Thanks to Otto Strada and Tutta Pesca for additional gift cards for our judges!
Thanks to Dennis Fitzgibbons and Paul Minore from Harpoon Brewery for donating all of the beer for the event.
Thank you to all of the chili chefs! Well done!!
Welcome Desk volunteers: Matt Laskowski, Mary Beth Laskowski, Elissa Aaronson and Lee Khan
Bartenders: Carrie Campbell, Courtney Gazaleh, Matt Campbell and Chris Stanin
Parent Judges: Gina Alia and Jenna Filipps
Kid Judges: Elizabeth Lee, Molly O’Callaghan, Victor Mauseth and Miles Savulich
Chili Cook-Off Committee: Lauree Barnes, Ted Mauseth, Lee Khan, Michael Granit, Jay Savulich and Craig Linder
Babysitters: Francine Ladson and Brenda Johnson
Music: Andrew Wholf
Thanks to all those who brought yummy desserts!
And, thank you to all who pitched in to help clean up!
We did find a "Kiss My Grits" dish towel and a black neck warmer leftover at the Elks Club. If you are missing either of these items, please email elysianptso@gmail.com.
Photo Retakes Deadline 

School photo retakes were either sent home in backpacks last week or will come home
today. Please check your child’s backpack for pre-ordered photos and/or individual access codes. To view photos and/or place a new or additional order, please go to www.mylifetouch.com and enter the NEW unique access code for your child. All orders are due THIS Friday, January 12th. If you have any questions please email elysianptso@gmail.com.    
Slime Club's Fundraiser

Thank you to everyone who bought slime during the Slime Club's fundraiser in December.  Our sale raised $139!  The money has been donated to the Hoboken Homeless Shelter and to the Montclair Township Animal Shelter..  Congratulations to our Slime Club participants for their hard work!  Well done!  -Alyssa and John (Slime Club teachers)
      Elysian Collects Box Tops and LABELS for Education
         Look for the container near Deb's desk in the office!  Thank you! 

Lost and Found

Please write your child's name or initials in their outerwear so if it ends up in the Lost and Found we can return it. We have many items (jackets and sweatshirts/hoodies) that need to find their way back home. Please come and take a look in the Main Office.
As per state law, we no longer publish the exact location of trips for security reasons.
Please read the calendar weekly, as changes are updated regularly.
    Please see above under "This Week's Basketball Practices" for grades, dates and times of practices.
    Monday, January 8
    • Play Rehearsal
    • Game - Grade 7 Green vs. All Saints, 6:15 PM - Multi
    • Game - Grade 8 White vs. Hoboken Charter, 7:15 PM - Multi
    Tuesday, January 9
    • Middle School Play
    • Game - Grade 5 vs. Wallace 5 Black, 6:45 PM - Wallace
    • Game - Grade 6 vs. Hoboken 6 PAL, 7:45 PM - Wallace
    Thursday, January 11
    • 6th Grade Trip
    • Game - Grade 7 Green vs. Grade 8 White, 6:15 PM - Multi
    Friday, January 12
    • Community Meeting
    Monday, January 15
    • Elysian Closed for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day
    Wednesday, January 17
    • 1/2 Day of School, 12:30 PM  Dismissal - Staff Development 
    • Lottery, 1:30 PM
    Thursday, January 18
    • 8th Grade Trip 
    • Game - Grade 7 White vs. Hoboken Knicks, 6:15 PM - Multi
    • Game - Grade 8 Green vs. Hoboken Charter, 7:15 PM - Multi
    Friday, January 19
    • Game -Connors Calabro vs. Grade 6, Wallace - 8:45 PM - Wallace
    Saturday, January 20
    • Game - Girls vs. Stevens Co-op Red, 2:00 PM, Multi
    • Game - Grade 3 Green vs. Wallace 3 Grey, 4:00 PM - Wallace
    • Game - Connors Calabro vs. Grade 4 Green, 4:50 PM - Wallace
    • Game - Grade 3 White vs. HOLA, 5:40 PM - Wallace
    • Game - Grade 4 White vs. HOLA, 6:30 PM - Wallace
    Monday, January 22
    • Game  - Connors Calabro vs. Grade 5 , 6:45 PM - Wallace
    • Board Meeting, 7:00 PM
    Wednesday, January 24
    • 8th Grade Trip
    • 5th Grade Trip
    • Friends of Elysian Winter Workout Social, 8:00 PM - Fit Foundry
    Thursday, January 25
    • Game - Grade 8 Green vs. Stevens Co-op Red, 6:15 PM - Multi
    • Game - Grade 7 White vs. Stevens Co-op White, 7:15 PM - Multi
    • Game - Grade 6 vs. Hoboken Charter White 6, 7:45 PM - Wallace

    1460 Garden Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030
    Harry Laub, Ph.D., Director | harry.laub@ecsnj.org | Phone:201.876.0102 | Fax:201.876.9576
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