Who is the favorite in your family? Did your parents have different favorite kids? Favoritism runs through families generationally. It is not genetic but epigenetic. If you were the favorite in your family, it probably felt wonderful. But the extra attention never goes unnoticed in the larger family system. There may be unintended consequences.
When the Bible tells Jacob’s toledot (Hebrew for family history), it starts with the eleventh son. This is odd. In the ancient world, the law of primogeniture prevailed. The oldest son received the double portion of the family estate, in part so that he might take care of his brothers and sisters after their parents were gone. With greater privilege came greater responsibility.
What do we know about Joseph? He was the favorite wife Rachel’s first child. He was born after many years of disappointment waiting for a child. If Laban had not deceived Jacob, Joseph might have been the first son. The story might have been more like Abraham and Sarah waiting many years for a child. Instead, Leah had many sons, as did Bilhah and Zilpah. Then came Joseph.
Israel loved his son Joseph more because he had been born to him in old age. By giving him an ornate robe, Israel marked Joseph as the favored son. This had to hurt the other brothers. Then Joseph brought a bad report, tattling on his older siblings who belonged to Bilhah and Zilpah. The brothers hated Joseph as much as their dad loved him. They spoke to him through their teeth, and never a kind word.
God subverted the law of primogeniture by choosing Jacob while he was in the womb. Jacob had a front row seat in his youth. Mom loved him. Dad loved Esau. Going back another generation, Abraham chose the younger brother Isaac over his half-brother Ishmael. We learn to parent our children by watching our parents care for our siblings. We can’t objectively observe how they raise us. But we see our parents care for our brothers and sisters.
There is also a learning curve in raising children. Parents learn about parenting through on-the-job training with the older kids. This may lead the elder children to complain that the younger siblings are treated differently. Israel did not even try to conceal his favoritism.
Ancient readers likely read this through collectivist instead of individualist eyes. Instead of celebrating the boy wonder, they knew this would not go well for the favored one. He was not respecting the community when he basked in his dad’s blessing and told on his brothers. This was not good for the family and not good for Joseph. The plot has begun to thicken.
