Elysian Charter School
A Positively Different Public School
April 3, 2017 Vol. 12 Issue 29
The school newsletter is sent out on Mondays. When there is a holiday, the newsletter is sent the following day.
From U.S. News and World Reports, March 27, 2017
Thanks to Diane DeSombre for sharing this article.
Take the Bubble Wrap Off Your Child
Teach kids how to handle failure and disappointment, so they can persevere in an unfair world.
You can't win them all. Kids will experience disappointment, and that's just part of growing up. (iStockphoto)
Last week, I sat in my office talking to one of my young adult clients. As she began our session, she stated that she needed to problem-solve how she could talk to her professor.
“I need to tell her that her system is unfair. … If I have to submit my assignments by a specific time, then she should get the assignments back to us in the same kind of timeframe,” she complained. She went on to say that, because of the unfair arrangement, she didn’t do an assignment that was due that day.
As I sat there listening to her, I was struck by the notion that she had no idea how to handle the nuances of life that seemed unfair to her. In thinking about it further, I realized that many of my adolescent and young adult clients have no idea how to manage disappointment. They are products of families that provide a great deal to them, often “over-helping” and running interference when kids face adversity. Although many parents believe that they are doing the right thing by removing obstacles and helping their children avoid adversity, it actually prevents children from learning how to handle life effectively.
As a parent, you may not think twice about putting your child’s project together or running a packed lunch to school when your child forgets it. Unfortunately, going the extra mile in this regard actually puts your child at a disadvantage, because they never truly learn how to handle disappointment or solve problems for themselves.
In essence, it’s time to take off the bubble wrap and encourage children to succeed, and fail, on their own terms. In addition, while it’s natural for parents to want to create opportunities for their children, it’s important to consider whether you’re pushing your child to do what you want, or are you tapping into what he or she wants.
According to parenting expert Michele Borba, author of “UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World,” many college students lack the inner strength they need to have self-confidence and a healthy mental state. Borba notes that students with helicopter parents are less open to new ideas, more dependent and more likely to report being depressed or anxious and needing medication. Additionally, she points out that intrusive parenting limits children’s opportunities to develop important skills needed to become self-reliant.
When kids aren’t allowed to fall and pick themselves up, they never learn how to tolerate disappointment. They don’t learn how to manage their relationships, stand up for themselves, fight their own battles or take responsibility for their actions. They don’t learn how to regulate their emotions.
The Pitfalls of “Overparenting”
Julie Lythcott-Haims, a former dean at Stanford University and author of “How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success,” highlights many ways that over-involvement by parents creates mental health issues for children. She concludes that there is harm being done when we ask so little of our children with regard to life skills, but expect so much of them in other areas, such as academics and sports. We push kids to be “the best” but don’t provide them with the tools to handle coming up short. We fight our kids’ battles for them, instead of teaching them to fight for themselves, and we don’t teach them how to manage suffering and struggle, doing everything possible to keep them from experiencing such hardship.
In speaking with my client, who felt it unfair that the rules were different for her than for her teacher, I told her that sometimes life is that way. Even if she was skillful in verbalizing her concerns, there was no guarantee that the situation would change. So we spent much of the session discussing how she would manage not getting what she wants and how she would sit in the disappointment of that. Her initial response was that she just wouldn’t do her work, seemingly forgetting that the only person who suffers there is her. Her inability to manage effectively spoke volumes about her lack of life skills and knowledge about how to succeed without intervention.
So, what can parents do to help promote independence and teach children how to tolerate distress and manage disappointment? How can parents manage their own emotions and encourage development without imposing their beliefs or fighting all their kids’ battles for them? It’s hard to implement change, but that may be just what’s needed to prepare your child for the real world. Here are a few things you can do:
Step back. Our first impulse is often to step forward, to move toward the problem and to protect our children. At certain ages, this is, of course, absolutely necessary. As your child gets older, however, you need to do less of this and instead be a supportive sounding board. Encourage critical thinking. Help your child to develop a plan that comes from your child and not from you.
Provide guidance. Often, we push our own agendas rather than hearing what children think. As the adults, we think we know more, based on our experiences. The problem here is that we are directing our child’s life rather than teaching them how to make good choices for themselves. When you act like a director, you are leading and your child is following. When you provide guidance, you are offering suggestions, and allowing your child to choose what works best for them. When things don’t work out, children have more opportunities to problem-solve.
Create space. Give your kids the space to tackle challenges and experience and manage their emotions on their own. Children and young adults need parents. They want parents to be involved, help and provide support. They also need you to give them room to grow. The more supportive they feel you are, the more capable they will be of coming to you when they fail or just need advice.
Many of our efforts to protect children and young adults, to build their self-esteem and promote confidence, may be backfiring. This isn’t to say you should throw your hands up and step back, doing nothing. Instead, while you guide and lead, you must give your child room to make mistakes – and to get back up again on their own.
Last Chance to See.... Something! at the New Victory Theater
Wednesday, April 5, 4:30 Performance/ Tuesday April 5th Workshop at Elysian
New Victory Theater, New York City
Everyone’s invited! If you want tickets – and you will be travelling with your child, phone Lynne Shapiro or shoot her an email: email@example.com.
If your child attends After School, you will need to complete this form to have/him or her go to the theater with the After School Program.
I give permission for my child, ______________________________________, to attend SOMETHING on Wednesday, April 5 at the New Victory Theater. I understand that he/she will be travelling to and from the theater by public bus with the After School staff.
Parent signature Date
______ My child will attend both the April 4 workshop and the April 5th
performance in New York.
______My child will attend the performance only, on April 5th (in New York)
_______Attached is the $20 fee. (Cash or check only.)
_______I need help. Attached is:________________
_______I can help. Attached is an extra: ____________________
SEE FRANCINE FOR A COPY OF THE PERMISSION SLIP.
Call Lynne Shapiro (home) 201 653-6392 if you have any questions....
ELYSIAN CHARTER SCHOOL RUGBY
The Elementary (grades 4-5) and Middle School (grades 6-8) Elysian Rugby teams are accepting registration forms for the spring 2017 season. Registration is open to all Elysian students in grades 4-8. Coach John Rutledge will once again be leading the Club!
While all students are welcome to participate in weekly practices, please note that we are only able to field 12 players for each team for each of the tournaments. In order to be a part of one of the spring tournaments, you must first and foremost demonstrate good sportsmanship and be a team-oriented player. In addition, you must be able to play rugby at a competitive level.
The Club will meet for weekly practice on Tuesdays from 3:00-3:45pm at 1600 Park. The first practice will be Tuesday, April 18th and run the following dates (weather permitting) – 4/18, 4/25, 5/2, 5/9, 5/16, 5/23, 5/30 and 6/6. Please have students dress appropriately for outdoor practices and bring a water bottle. With the field so close, I am able to walk the Club members to practice. Pick-up is promptly at 3:45.
Registration forms were sent home with your child today. Tournament dates will be announced ASAP.
Questions can be directed to John Rutledge at firstname.lastname@example.org
SPRING 2017 REGISTRATION FORM - DUE APRIL 7!
Student Name ____________________________
Age ________ D.O.B. ___________ Grade/Teacher _________
Parent/Guardian #1: __________________________ Cell# ____________________
E-mail address: _______________________________
Parent/Guardian #2: __________________________ Cell# ____________________
E-mail address: _______________________________
After practice, my child has permission to:
___ Self-Dismiss ___ Picked-Up by: ____________________________
Does your son/daughter have any medical problems or allergies that we should know about?
If yes, please describe the type of medication, dosage, frequency, and administration; as well
as authorized to administer.
I GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY CHILD ________________ TO PARTICIPATE IN ELYSIAN CHARTER SCHOOL’S
RUGBY PROGRAM. HE/SHE IS PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF PERFORMING IN THIS SPORT.
ALSO, MY CHILD’S MEDICAL PAPERWORK IS UP TO DATE WITH THE SCHOOL.
SIGNATURE OF PARENT/GUARDIAN DATE
Hoboken Historical Museum Film Series: Hoboken People & Places Film Series
"Hoboken People & Places, 1976-1994" showcases the city during a period of dramatic change seen through lens of photographer Michael Flanagan. At the same time, several films were being produced here. We invite you to join us at the Hoboken Historical Museum, for a month-long film series showcasing films and documentaries produced right in our backyard.
Location: Hoboken Historical Museum, 1301 Hudson St., (201) 656-2240/ $5 - $10 General Admission
"The Hoboken Chicken Emergency"
Friday April 7, 2017 • 7pm
In the film version of Daniel Pinkwater's book, "The Hoboken Chicken Emergency" (directed by Peter Baldwin, 1984), Henrietta is no turkey. When Arthur Bobowicz is sent out to bring home the family's Thanksgiving turkey, he returns instead with Henrietta -- a 266-pound chicken with a mind of her own. Thus begins the hilarious chain of events that has kept audiences in stitches since Henrietta first pecked her way onto the scene in 1977. A film for all ages.
Friday April 14, 2017 • 7pm
Hoboken Home Views
Distinguished documentary filmmaker Nora Jacobson produced this collection of four short films about the people and city of Hoboken, filmed during 1982-1984. The four films are as titled: "Dom's Bakery," "MCR Fashion," "14th Street Fire," and "Portrait of a Young Professional." Recommended for adult audiences.
April 21 and April 22 , 2017 • 7pm
In late 1980s, a battle raged between longtime residents of Hoboken's and the developers who sought to convert their inexpensive housing into high-priced rental and condominium units. Filmmaker Nora Jacobson spent nearly a decade investigating the issue for her critically acclaimed documentary, "Delivered Vacant," released in 1992. She focuses her lens on the city's pro-affordable housing mayor, Tom Vezzetti, and a cast of locals ranging from elderly and immigrant residents being forced from their homes to aspiring artists who rely on the area's cheap rents. Recommended for adult audiences. A Q & A with filmaker Nora jacobson will take place at the April 28th showing.
And don't forget about Box Tops (box on Deb's desk in the office!) and our AmazonSmile and Shutterfly no-brainer money-makers!
Next at Mile SquareTheater!
Mile Square Theatre, Hudson County’s leading professional theatre, presents Harold Pinter’s Betrayal.
Darkly humorous and charged with emotion, Betrayal explores marriage and infidelity among the entangled trio of Robert, Emma, and Jerry. Robert and Jerry are best friends and partners in a publishing firm. But an affair between Emma (Robert’s wife) and Jerry creates a tense world of deception and mistrust. Famous for its structured timeline reversal, Betrayal cinematically unravels the plot, ingeniously using dramatic irony to build tension.
Betrayal is directed by Elysian parent Chris O’Connor.
We encourage you to support the arts and see this play.
Special Curtains and Cocktails Opening Night fundraiser: March 30
Performance run: March 30-April 23
ELYSIAN SUMMER CAMP 2017--Update
We have received positive response so far to our inaugural Elysian Charter Summer Camp taking place from July 31 - August 11; however, we still have a fair amount of spots open. In order to ensure we have enough campers, we have decided to open enrollment beyond the Elysian community. Of course, Elysian families still get first priority. If you turn in a completed registration form by Friday, April 7th and make payment by Monday, May 1st, your spot is secure!
- To give the Elysian community first priority, enrollment will be open exclusively to Elysian students entering kindergarten (Fall 2017) to current 5th graders through Friday, April 7th.
- Registration for students outside of Elysian will begin on Saturday, April 8th.
- Daily activities include science, arts & crafts, sports, woodworking, field trips and much more.
- The camp staff will be primarily Elysian teachers, coordinated and run by John Rutledge (5th grade teacher/rugby coach) and Pam Gorode (Business Office and Club Coordinator).
- There will be 2 one week sessions - the weeks of July 31st and August 7th - you can sign up for one or both weeks.
- Hours of fun, air conditioned classrooms, familiar counselors....and no one hour bus rides there and back!
- You can find registration forms and more information about the camp at www.ecsnj.org/elysian-summer-camp/camp-registration-form/
- Questions can be directed to John and Pam at email@example.com.
Elysian Collects Box Tops and LABELS for Education:
Look for the container near Deb's desk in the office! Thank you!
As per state law, we no longer publish the exact location of trips for security reasons.
Please read the calendar weekly, as changes are updated regularly
Monday, April 3 - Friday, April 7
- Parent Conferences
Tuesday, April 4
- After SchoolCircus Workshop with New Victory Theater visiting artists, 3:15 - 4:15 PM. For students attending Wednesday's performance of SOMETHING. See newsletter above for details
Wednesday, April 5
- Half day of school for conferences, 12:30 dismissal. After School Program available as usual.
- After School Program trip to 4:30 performance of SOMETHING at The New Vic in NY. Students who attend this performance must be enrolled in Elysian's After School Program and have a signed permission slip.
- Tickets to SOMETHING are available for non-after school students who travel to and from theater with families and friends. Email Lynne.firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange tickets (no permission slip necessary for children travelling with families). Everyone is invited to Tuesday, April 4th workshop. See April 4 for workshop info.
Friday, April 7
- Rugby Registration Forms due today.
Monday, April 10 - Monday, April 17
Elysian closed for Spring Break.
Friday, April 28
- 6th grade trip, 7:30 AM - 8:30 PM
- 8th grade trip
Please make note of the following calendar changes:
1. May 19—the Community Meeting will be the 6th grade concert and will begin at 9:00 AM
2. The June 9th Community Meeting is changed to June 16th
3. On June 9th there will be the 3rd, 4th and 5th grade concert which will begin at 9:00 AM
1460 Garden Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Harry Laub, Ph.D., Director