“But you . . .”
When I was in the US Navy, Bertram, another sailor who worked in the same office, hurt my feelings by some unkind remark. (I don’t remember what it was.) The next day, he came to me and said, “I apologize for what I said, but your haughty attitude just made me mad.”
I wanted to say, “In my haughty manner, I forgive you.” Instead, I mumbled something about it being all right.
That experience still remains the worst apology I’ve ever received. It felt as if Bertram patted my shoulder with one hand while he gut-punched me with the other.
Years ago, I learned a simple lesson: When people say something and begin the second phrase with but, they’re negating their previous statement.
“I wanted to help you, but . . .”
“I shouldn’t have yelled at you, but . . .”
When I was a pastor, one woman apologized to my wife in this way: “I was wrong to do that, but you make it difficult to like you.”
Shirley smiled before she said, “Is that an apology or a defense?”
The flustered woman spurted and finally said, “It’s an apology.” (I don’t think she understood Shirley’s words.)
Jesus tells us to let our answers be yes or no. When it comes to an apology, if sincerely meant, “I apologize for . . .” is enough, isn’t it?
