Dear Friend,

Reflection by Dianne M. Traflet, J.D., S.T.D.

Today, I am writing this meditation at my mom's kitchen table. Mom is almost 90, and we are taking a little trip down memory lane this afternoon, as we both recall people who have graced our lives with hospitality.   When I mention a particular couple, Mom lights up: "Oh, they were precious!"   " Yes," I agree, "they certainly were." Indeed, they were the epitome of hospitality.  

Mr. S. was a wealthy inventor, and he and his wife occasionally would invite my family (7 of us!) to spend a summer weekend with them in their beautiful home.  "Remember the place," my mom says emphatically--"not just the inside...but the outside, too!" She continues, "All the property, and remember the lake! Remember the fish!" Yes, she is right; property as far as the eye could see, and a lake filled with extra fish bought the day before we arrived; Mr. S. wanted us to learn to fish and have a sense of accomplishment by the end of the weekend.  

Mom remembers all this well. She is smiling as I write, remembering her conversations with Mrs. S., the overflowing bowls of fruit, and the care packages for us on our way home. Mom is cherishing the memory and how each of us always loved the weekend. We would leave their house with gratitude, and happily write our thank-you notes soon after our return home. We just loved this couple.

My favorite memory of one weekend is walking with Mr. S. up a high hill.  When we arrived at the top, Mr. S. instructed, "Look all around; see all the hills in every direction."  I assured him it was an incredibly beautiful sight.  He replied quietly, "I own all of it." 

All of it? Every hill?  I was in awe.   Mr. S. smiled, and then asked me to focus on another sight.  "See over there?"  Yes, I saw my Dad with my siblings.  Mr. S. said: "Your father is a great man," and then proceeded to tell me that he how much he respected and admired my father. 

I remember that conversation with a smile and a tear.   What a wonderful gift Mr. S. gave me on that hilltop.   He deflected his attention from himself to my dad—from his life to mine.  He gave me a sense of what matters most in life.

I wonder if this is the key to hospitality. The hospitable person welcomes a guest with a quiet, perhaps even unarticulated, sentiment:  “This time together is not about me—it’s about you.”  

I think of Mary hiking up a steep hill and arriving at her cousin’s house. Elizabeth does not say: “Let me tell you about me.”  Rather, Elizabeth joyfully affirms Mary’s identity and vocation, essentially heralding: “You have believed in the words of God, and I know for sure who you are! You are a Mother, and you are carrying my Lord!  I’m so grateful and humbled you’re here!” (cf. Luke 1:39-56.)

Can you imagine the life-giving conversations Mary and Elizabeth had around the table?   Can you imagine them living out Mary’s Magnificat prayer, continuing to magnify the Father for the wonderful things He had done?

This Advent, let us gratefully consider those who extended hospitality to us and so helped us to sing the praises of God. Let us pray in thanksgiving to God for putting such people in our path and let us ask our Father to teach us to extend the precious type of hospitality that will be remembered with a smile and a tear for years to come.

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Dianne M. Traflet, J.D., S.T.D., Associate Dean for Graduate Studies and Administration and Assistant Professor of Pastoral Theology, earned a J.D. from Seton Hall University School of Law, an M.A. in Catholic Theology and Pastoral Ministry from The Institute of Advanced Studies of Catholic Doctrine, St. John's University, and an S.T.L. and an S.T.D. from the Pontifical University of St. Thomas Aquinas (The Angelicum), Rome. Dr. Traflet is a key leader in the Center for Diaconal Formation, and she gives numerous lectures, retreats, and days of recollection, including some specific to wives of deacons and deacon candidates. She is the author of Edith Stein: A Spiritual Portrait (Pauline Media, 2008).