A couple of months ago at Mass, we sang the song “The Summons.” The fourth verse starts:
“Will you love the ‘you’ you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?”
Something in the song struck me, and I began to cry as I sang and prayed. “Who am I?” I wondered. “Who is the ‘me’ that I’m hiding?” I felt called to confront the fear of inadequacy, which my overly-perfectionistic self can sometimes use as a shield.
Looking back, this question of “Who am I?” has presented itself to me in different times throughout my life. There have been two moments where I had to deeply consider this and then share it with others. The first was at the Encounter with Christ Retreat during my junior year at UP, when I was tasked with giving the talk on that very same theme. More recently, I led a session exploring that question at a young adult retreat at my church. In the eight years spanning those two events, I can’t say that I’ve come to any earth-shattering conclusions.
And yet, I can always remember that we are called children of God. Any loving parent loves their child unconditionally through the best and the worst days, when children are throwing temper tantrums, and when they are singing with joy. Is God not the most loving of all parents? While preparing to lead the recent church session, my biggest realization was that God desires us in all of our messiness - in our fear, the hidden moments, the laughter, the confidence, the ugly crying, and the insecurity.
Answering the question “Who am I?” can be a hard, confusing, and life-long process. I didn’t know the answer at 21, and I don’t think I truly know the answer at 29. But even in the uncertainty and unfinished chaos of life, God reminds me that I am his child. He calls me to love, calls me to have courage, calls me to shed my fear. In that moment of singing that song during Mass, I felt called to overcome the fear of inadequacy and to instead embrace all of my glorious, colorful self. God loves me unconditionally. For now, that is all the answer I need.
Reflection by Erin Flotte ‘12
