Sometimes it takes a little courage and a Halloween costume to discover strengths we didn't know we had!

This Halloween, I decided to step outside my comfort zone and become a fortune teller. With an elaborate costume, a little imagination, and a willingness to have fun, I embraced the character and discovered something about myself. I had the inner confidence to pull it off!

What started as a fun Halloween experience reminded me of something I frequently discuss with my coaching clients: Building a positive self-image requires not only recognizing our accomplishments but also having the courage to step outside our comfort zones and try something new.

Sometimes, we discover strengths and capabilities we didn't realize we possessed simply by giving ourselves permission to take a chance.

Recognizing Our Accomplishments Builds Confidence

For many of us, an achievement is barely a cause for celebration; we just move on to the next challenge.

As a coach, I find many of my clients are unable to enjoy their accomplishments, and they spend way too much time bemoaning what they have not yet done.

When this happens, I find people not only diminish themselves and their capabilities. They also don't use the success experience to build the foundation for further challenges or even mistakes.

Being able to recognize and appreciate your strengths and accomplishments is key to having a good self-image.

There is another important component to building that self-image: being willing to venture beyond what's familiar.

Celebrate the Courage to Make a Change

I use another process of creating a ceremony or ritual to acknowledge success. Many indigenous tribes have coming-of-age rituals and other rituals to mark key events. Similarly, I create a ritual that matches the person's interests and accomplishments.

For example, one client had come to me feeling very dissatisfied with her job and wanting to do something different but not sure what that would be.

Over the course of five months, she explored her interests, took stock of what mattered, and had to let go of beliefs that were standing in the way of her moving forward.

At the end of the coaching, she knew what she wanted to do—write a historical novel—had saved enough money to do so and had put a plan in place to write every day.

This was a huge step from working in a traditional job!

More importantly, she had stepped outside her comfort zone and given herself permission to pursue something that mattered to her. To celebrate the achievement, I created a ritual that took her back through the process she went through, reminded her of how she was in the beginning, the steps she took, and validated her new steps. She was surprised to see how far she had come.

If you have questions you’d like Sandy to address in future newsletters, email them to sandy@learningadvantageinc.com

I was on the phone placing an order with Chewy.com when the representative asked how my cats Maverick, Monte, and Molly were doing. I said Monte and Molly were fine, but that Maverick had died. He asked more about him; he could see by my orders that I used to get prescription cat food for Maverick. He was very kind, and much to my surprise, a few days later I received a flower arrangement from Chewy with a nice note saying, “We’re so sorry to hear of your loss of Maverick. We know this time is tough. All of us at Chewy are here for you. Love, your Chewy Family.”

I was floored. And, they have a client for life!

In another situation, I asked my handyman to replace the batteries in my smoke alarms. The next night one of them went off at 3 a.m. (as they always do). I realized he had put the battery in backwards. I sent him a text expecting he might express some sympathy. His response: “Sorry about that.” I wasn’t expecting him to come over and see if the other batteries were installed correctly — although that would have been nice — but I had hoped he’d have expressed greater understanding.

Worse yet, a tax professional had my information for three months before he started working on my tax return. Every few weeks I asked him about the status but got no response. Finally he sent me a review draft just five days before the due date. The draft had several errors which I corrected and I sent the file back that day. With two days before it was due I’d heard nothing from him and I started to panic. He finally sent me a corrected version the next day with suggestions on how to mail it in. I joined many other last-minute filers at the post office that day, and later I sent him an email saying I was disappointed with how this situation unfolded. He replied that he was a little late (you think?) and told me I needed to send him copies of the signed documents. With the deadline looming I hadn’t made copies. He insisted he had told me he needed copies, but when I went back through the email chain I found no such instructions. But he won’t be needing copies of my signed return because that episode marked the end of our 20-year relationship.

A little empathy, along with an apology if warranted, goes a long way to easing distress, soothing troubled feelings, and retaining a good relationship with customers. And flowers are nice too.

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