All of us have life challenges that affect our mental health. All of us! And in any given year, one in five of us will have a mental health condition. 

Just by the numbers, that means someone we know—maybe even that one person in five—might need us. It could be a friend, a family member, or a fellow Jayhawk. Are we ready? 

Just for a minute, let’s imagine it’s us. Something is happening, and we need help. Imagine that no matter to whom we turn—to a buddy, to a square in a Zoom call, to a person at the water bottle filler—we can trust that someone is there, and they are ready. How would that feel?  Safe. Calming. Reassuring.  

Imagine, if everyone at KU had someone to turn to who was ready to offer safety in a tough moment, a word of encouragement, or a bridge to additional help. Imagine a caring Jayhawk community where so many of us were ready that no one felt alone.  What if we were all ready?  Let’s be that kind of community. 

Yes, but. 

We might be thinking, I want to help, but I don’t know what to say.  I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to say the wrong thing. 

And that’s ok. Being a little uncomfortable when asking someone how they are is okay.  Feeling unsure when someone turns to us for support is okay too.    

But let’s all work on evaluating where we are comfortable and not comfortable, and commit to practicing and learning more, so that in this community, we are always ready. 

“We improve what we care about.” —Mickey Trockel, MD, Stanford School of Medicine, WellMD Center

“I don’t know what to say.”  

Starting Conversations. If we are concerned about someone and we aren’t sure where to start, we can pick a question and ask it from a place of curiosity and care. For example, “How are you really doing?” can make a big difference. We can talk face-to-face, or if we’re more comfortable, a text or email works too.  

Let’s also make sure we give conversations enough time. We want time and space to be there for someone and not be rushed.   

Here are some other starter questions: 

•   I’ve been worried about you. Can we talk? If not, that’s okay. Is there someone you feel comfortable talking to? 

•   I care about you and am here to listen. Do you want to talk about what’s been going on? 

•   I see you are going through something. How can I support you? 

•   I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How can I help? 

“I don’t know what to do.”  

Practice Active Listening. If we do nothing else, let’s focus on truly listening. That means setting aside distractions and giving someone our full attention. We can also take a moment to reflect back what we’ve heard—summarizing or paraphrasing—to make sure we understand and show that we care. 

Offer to join them. When someone is going through a tough time, even everyday tasks can feel overwhelming. Offering to go with them—whether it’s taking a walk, grabbing a coffee, or eating lunch together—can provide support and lift their spirits. 

How Not to Say the Wrong Thing 

Don’t jump to fixing. We already talked about how it can feel uncomfortable to support someone when we don’t quite know what to do. That discomfort can make us want to jump to “fixing” someone’s situation right away. But sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is just be present and let someone know that we hear them, we see them, and they aren’t alone.  

Don’t compare. When someone tells us they’re going through a hard time, we might want to share a story about something similar we’ve been through. That can be okay—but we should be careful not to compare. Saying things like, “I had it worse,” can make the other person feel like their pain doesn’t matter. Instead, we can talk about how we handled feelings like sadness or stress. This can help them feel supported not judged. 

Don’t judge. We might not always agree with someone’s choices or understand why they’re struggling—but that’s okay. What matters is showing up with care, not judgment. We never truly know what it’s like to be someone else, and offering support without criticism helps build trust and connection. 

These are some tips to help us feel more at ease. But, let’s not let the fear of saying the wrong thing stand in the way of being the just right person at the just right time for someone. Being willing to stumble a little yet still show up, will be worth it.  

Know when more professional help is needed.

Sometimes, the support we give isn’t enough. If someone we care about keeps struggling for weeks or months, they might need help from a mental health professional. It’s okay to encourage them to talk to a counselor or doctor.  

Call 988 or go to the nearest emergency mental health center if you think someone is in danger of hurting themselves or others and get help right away.  

Submit a Care Referral if you are worried or concerned about a faculty or staff member, or a student, and a member of the Support & Care Referral Team will check in to provide optional support and resources. 

The Office of Mental Health and Wellbeing - provides a range a resources to assist with finding professional support. 

There are some good resources in the KU Lawrence community that can help build communication and connection skills.  

Mental Health First Aid - In partnership with Bert Nash Mental Health Center, KU offers virtual and in-person workshops that help people develop the skills they need to help someone who is experiencing a mental health challenge or crisis. Community Mental Health Centers around the country offer similar courses. 

#JayhawksTalk – Suicide Prevention Training- In Lawrence, this training increases skills and confidence in providing critical support for individuals in crisis and is offered several times a semester and also by request.  

Compassionate Communication Series - an 8-course training series through KU Professional Development that fosters understanding, connection, and compassion in the face of conflict.

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