Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with
grease, your nose will begin to itch, and you’ll have to go to the
bathroom.
Law of Gravity: Any tool, nut, bolt or screw, when dropped,
will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never
get a busy signal, and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell your boss you were late for
work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will
have a flat tyre.
Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one
you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath: Once your body is fully immersed in water,
the phone will ring.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone
you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t
want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
Law of the Cinema and Stadium: At any event, the people whose
seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the
ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food or
drinks, or to the toilet, and who leave before the movie or the game
is over. The people in the aisle seats come early, never move once,
have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end.
The aisle people also are very surly.
The Coffee Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last
until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a
locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces: The chances of an open-faced
sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t
know what you are talking about.
Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance: If the clothes fit, they’re
ugly.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking: A closed mouth gathers no
feet.
Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy: As soon as you
find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctor’s Law: If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to
go to the doctor. By the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But
if you don’t make an appointment, you’ll stay sick.
Paul Kruger’s Law of Bargains and Sales: None of the items in
which I am interested is available in my size.
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